Be respectful: 13 things you should never do in church

Church etiquette is so much more than obvious bad behavior, and half the time, it’s the little things people do that get judged.

A low voice

You’re speaking in what’s supposed to be a whisper. But it travels three pews. Sure, you tell yourself that you’re only saying one thing, nothing harmful, especially when you’re asking something important. Maybe you want to know where the reading is.

A sermon’s not the time or place for that. You’re meant to think and pray, you know, stay focused on the Lord. A little bit of chatter forces people nearby to work harder to hear what’s going on. Don’t be surprised when they keep telling you to ‘shh.’ It’s awkward.

The fast exit

Communion’s the end of the service. So why can’t you start gathering your coat and bag, as well as everything else you brought? You might have other plans. However, a lot of churches don’t see it that way, and they don’t actually treat communion as the ending.

There are often prayers afterward and a blessing. It ends with a dismissal. When you’re leaving early, you make other people stand up to let you squeeze past. Remember, the rest of the service still counts. It’s not like the credits are rolling at the end of a movie.

The open lane

At church, at the park, kids are kids. They’re ready to move once they’ve been sitting for a while, and who can blame them for that? They don’t realize the church aisle isn’t a play strip. You do, though. Control your kids.

Don’t let them run up and down the aisle because it’s going to cause problems for everyone else. One kid sliding between legs makes everything chaotic. Everyone’s trying to do the same thing and that’s worshipping God. It’s a shared space. Treat it that way.

The shared counter

There’s something so familiar about church kitchens, and that’s why they’re dangerous. You feel like you’re in an aunt’s house. So, you start opening drawers and grabbing mugs, while also leaving used cutlery in the sink. Maybe you help yourself to stuff. It’s only church.

That sort of thinking is dangerous because church kitchens run on strict rules and volunteers. No, the person wiping the counter later isn’t simply staff. It’s probably Linda, or someone like Linda. Linda’s been there since 8:15, so cut her some slack.

The little screen

Yes, sometimes people are actually reading the Bible on them, or maybe they’re checking the church bulletin. But c’mon. It’s not right to look at your phone when you’re in church, even when you don’t think you’re being rude. It’s disrespectful.

Your phone’s screen is going to catch other people’s attention. So is your thumb’s movement. One person starts looking at your phone, and then other people nearby start doing the same thing. Annoying how that happens.

The back corner

Church limbo is in the back row. That’s where people hover and whisper. They’ll decide whether to sit, then don’t sit, then talk to someone else who’s there. What’s the harm in that? It’s the fact that people usually stop there first.

The ushers need to use that area to help people find their seats, and any latecomers are probably there, too. They don’t want people to notice them. Creating a social checkpoint doesn’t help.

The extra seat

A purse on one side. A coat on the other. Now, one person’s taken up the entire half a pew, even though they’re not trying to. When the church is half-empty, sure, no problem, nobody really cares. Not when the pews are packed.

It’s rude to waste space like that when there are people standing near the back and visitors are trying to find a place to sit. They could ask the person to move their stuff. But that feels weird. Most people are going to keep walking until they find someone not rude.

The handy object

You’d be surprised at how well a hymn book works as a fan. A Bible also stops a paper cup from wobbling. That doesn’t mean you should use them that way. They’re not exactly random objects from a waiting room. 

They mean something. It’s the height of disrespect to use them as coasters or placeholders. There’s no excuse. Let’s not forget, coffee rings on church books are just sad.

The prayer update

Prayer requests get messy. Fast. Half the congregation knows the details of someone’s prayer once they share it because some people have loose lips. They mean well. Sure, they’re trying to care and show their support to someone.

It doesn’t give you permission to share all the juicy details, though. Someone’s asking for prayer for a reason. Their divorce, their sickness, it’s all their business. Not anyone else’s. The kindest thing you can do is tell them you’ll pray for them and leave it at that.

The pretty wall

There’s no denying that churches are gorgeous. Yes, the light through the stained glass windows can make any picture look ten times better, but you should avoid doing that. You shouldn’t be using a church as your selfie’s backdrop.

Someone might be praying out of frame, and the service might’ve only just ended. You didn’t get the consent of every person in the church to take the photo. So don’t do it. Ask first, or take the photo outside.

The helping hand

Church volunteers have it rough. People know they’re there, but they stop seeing them as churchgoers and start seeing them as service workers. No, there’s no excuse to bark at an usher because the pew’s full. 

There’s no reason to hand a kitchen volunteer your trash. Blaming the sound guy because the microphone squealed? Please. They’re there to help the church run, instead of being everyone’s personal assistant.

The little comparison

They don’t say it out loud. You feel the math happening, though, when someone tells you they’re at church every Sunday, but someone else missed two weeks. Church attendance isn’t a points system. It never should be.

That’s not to say showing up doesn’t matter because, of course, it does. However, using it to rank yourself above other people? Way to make everyone uncomfortable.  

The long look

It’s kind of obvious when a visitor’s the main event at the church. All the staring, all the whispering, it’s so clear. Quit it. It’s hard enough being a visitor to a church because you’ve got so much to deal with. Finding out where to sit, for starters. Or maybe where to stand.

You’ve also got to make sure you’re not in someone’s usual spot, it’s a lot. Don’t make it harder for them than it needs to be. Welcome a visitor in without making them the star attraction.

Sources: Please see here for a complete listing of all sources that were consulted in the preparation of this article.