It’s not always the epic screaming matches that damage a relationship. Sometimes, it’s the smaller and quieter expectations that make you feel a little smaller every time. These expectations can sneak up slowly, little by little, until you realize you’re giving way more than you’re getting back.
So if your partner expects you to do these 10 things, just know that it’s not love. Take a look at this list to watch out for these warning signs, and see if it might be time to reconsider marriage to this person.
Guilt-tripping for alone time
Every healthy adult needs to maintain interests outside of their relationship and be able to enjoy their own company, or the company of others, as much as the company of their partner.
If your partner makes you feel guilty or punishes you with pouting, passive-aggression, or full-blown guilt trips for spending time apart from them, they’re trying to hold you down and take away your freedom.
Demanding you ignore your gut
The “gut feeling” that something is just “not right” is an instinct for a reason.
If your partner regularly expects you to shut down your intuition and push past that voice in your head telling you there’s something fundamentally wrong with the relationship, chances are they know you’re right.
Trust your instincts when the evidence is just too strong.
Demanding social isolation
A partner who is secure in their love for you doesn’t expect you to cut off your other relationships, especially if they’re long-term friends or family.
Healthy love doesn’t require you to live in a bubble; it requires you to thrive. Any partner who isolates you or makes you feel bad for having other relationships is a major red flag.
Expecting constant apologies
In an equitable partnership, each person acknowledges their faults and apologizes when they’ve caused real harm.
If you find yourself constantly apologizing for things that aren’t your fault just to maintain the peace in your relationship, that’s not just a fundamental lack of shared accountability. It’s a clear sign of disrespect.
Insisting on full digital access
Trust is an essential part of any long-term partnership. A big part of that trust is mutual respect for privacy and space. If your partner demands full, unfettered access to your passwords and personal communication, they’re showing insecurity and controlling behavior.
You should be able to have a healthy, loving relationship without constant digital surveillance.
Forcing you to abandon your goals
The most loving partners often make temporary sacrifices for each other’s benefit, but the balance must be even.
If your partner expects you to permanently sacrifice your career or personal goals for theirs, that’s them telling you your potential isn’t important. You deserve a partner who wants you to succeed just as much as you do.
Requiring you to change yourself
A truly loving person loves you for your current body, your current style, and all of your current flaws.
If they expect you to change core aspects of yourself just to better fit their idea of the perfect partner, then they’re not in love with who you really are. No one should ever try to force you to change who you are at your core.
Pressuring you about finances
A partner who respects you will never pressure you to spend money when you don’t want to, or take on debt that makes you uncomfortable, especially for their own benefit.
In fact, if your partner pressures you to make financial decisions that make you deeply uneasy, they have no regard for your long-term financial well-being. This is a form of financial abuse.
Treating you as their therapist
No one should ever expect their loved one to carry the full weight of their emotional baggage, or to be the only thing that makes them feel happy and safe.
No matter how hard your partner tries to lean on you, you can never be their therapist or support system. Partners do help each other. But a mature person is responsible for their own emotional health and self-regulation.
Requiring you to keep harmful secrets
If your partner expects you to keep secrets about their unacceptable, harmful behavior to maintain their public image, that’s not a healthy relationship or the right situation for you.
If your partner can’t let you be honest with the people you care about, they’re toxic.
Sources: Please see here for a complete listing of all sources that were consulted in the preparation of this article.
16 things husbands shouldn’t expect from their wives
Wives aren’t here to silently carry everything while still acting like it’s okay. Women have careers, their own goals, and responsibilities that extend well beyond traditional lines. Here are 16 things husbands shouldn’t expect from their wives anymore.
