Am I Just A Backup?

Man holding flowers walking towards a woman while she is chatting on the phone.

In a poignant social media post, an individual, a 30-year-old guy, shared a profound personal dilemma.

After accidentally stumbling upon his pregnant fiancée’s phone conversation, the original poster (OP) was exposed to a candid discussion of OP’s partner with her best friend.

To his disappointment, OP discovered that he was once considered a backup option.

How It Started

The couple started as colleagues and casual acquaintances, but eventually evolved into a serious relationship over the past two years

The couple weathered significant life events together, including the fiancée’s decision to undergo a preventive double mastectomy due to the discovery of the breast cancer gene.

They sold their respective houses, embraced cohabitation, and eagerly anticipated the imminent arrival of their first child.

Startling Discovery

However, the accidental discovery of the conversation shattered OP’s trust and left him feeling deceived and used.

In the chats, his partner was discussing and comparing him with several other potential partners to have a child with. While he was the ‘winner’ of several categories, she seemed to have preferred others in several other ways, including looks.

The revelation cast doubt on the authenticity of OP’s partner’s emotions and threw OP’s happiness into disarray.

Overwhelmed by humiliation and confusion, OP sought solace in a temporary retreat, leaving his pregnant fiancée behind while she desperately pleaded for his return.

Love, Insecurities, and the Weight of Choices

A large number of people who stumbled upon the post shared their opinion and offered their valuable opinion.

Zestyclose-Cap1829 presented an alternative perspective, challenging OP to reevaluate his reaction.

The user emphasized that, among the potential partners discussed, OP emerged as the “definite winner” in several categories.

Zestyclose-Cap1829 questioned OP’s expectations, urging him to consider whether being the best partner in the most important areas should not be sufficient.

Aregularmatter empathized with OP’s distress but noted that weighing options before entering a committed relationship is a common practice.

The user highlighted that OP was chosen because they were genuinely the best fit, rather than being a mere backup.

The commenter also urged OP to reflect on this perspective and not let his insecurities cloud his judgment.

Softbombsalad advocated for open dialogue, advising OP to return home and engage in a heartfelt conversation with his pregnant fiancée.

The user stressed that effective communication is crucial for resolving conflicts and bridging the emotional gap between the couple.

Greyukelele shared a personal experience, stating,

“My husband asked me out because he thought I would be a good supportive wife and didn’t fall for me until after we were dating. When I found out I was so upset. It really doesn’t matter. I love him. He loves me. I don’t have any doubts about our relationship.”

Greyukelele highlighted that the origin of a relationship does not invalidate its present strength.

The user encouraged OP to focus on the current bond they share, free from the shadows of the past.

Azilehteb urged OP to approach the situation with composure and understanding.

The commenter acknowledged that the circumstances of the relationship’s inception may have been unconventional but emphasized that the fiancée’s subsequent actions and expressions of love indicated a genuine romantic connection.

The commenter advised OP to,

“Compose yourself and have a heart to heart with her, a lot of time has passed since those old texts.”

Lastly, Mainegreenerep challenged conventional notions of romance, asserting that the consideration of compatibility, including the intimate connection, is essential.

The user viewed this foundation as a potential gateway to a fulfilling and enduring marriage.

The Verdict

The responses from the online community echoed a diverse range of perspectives, illuminating the intricate complexities inherent in relationships and the unique nature of love.

Some encouraged OP to reassess his reaction, focusing on the present and the strength of their connection.

Others stressed the significance of open communication, understanding, and personal growth.

In navigating matters of the heart, empathy and effective communication are paramount. Each relationship is a tapestry of experiences, growth, and emotional connections.

The online community provided invaluable insights, encouraging OP to confront his insecurities, engage in open conversations, and navigate the complexities of his relationship. In an update, OP revealed that he had decided to go back home and be with his pregnant partner.

Ultimately, OP’s journey involves introspection and initiating an open and honest dialogue with his pregnant fiancée.

By expressing their emotions, concerns, and desires, the couple can uncover a deeper understanding of their relationship and potentially rebuild the trust that has been fractured.

What do you think? Let us know in the comments. Was the OP of this social media post wrong?

Featured Image Credit: AndrewLozovyi /

This article originally appeared on Ash & Pri.

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Pri Kingston

Ash & Pri are the Founders of and have spent the last decade building their way towards financial freedom and a lifetime of memories. Having successfully achieved their early retirement goal in under 10 years, they look forward to sharing their financial sense with like-minded people. Read more about Ash & Pri in the 'About Us' section.