Whether you’re already in a good mood, feeling down, or somewhere in between, these humorous quotes from comedy legends will lift your spirits.
Oscar Wilde
“I can resist everything except temptation.”
Who hasn’t fallen prey to our own temptations at least once in our lives? Wilde helps us cut ourselves some slack for our silly indiscretions by reminding us that we all suffer from a weakness of will now and then.
Mark Twain
“If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.”
Twain took complex life lessons and boiled them down into concise, chuckle-worthy, yet oh-so-true statements. Many of his famous quotes can be applied to our lives and still hold the absolute truth today.
Groucho Marx
“I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.”
We’ve all wanted to say something like that after a terrible night out. Some of the greatest minds in comedy used insult as their defense mechanism and Groucho takes the cake. Bonus points if you can insult someone and convince them it’s a compliment.
Betty White
“My answer to anything is, ‘Have a hot dog.'”
The sweet Betty White knew what was up. When life gets complicated or stressful, sometimes all you need to do is enjoy some delicious, greasy food and remind yourself how fun life can be.
W.C. Fields
“I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.”
Anyone who cooks while under the influence is no stranger to talking to oneself while trying to follow a recipe. As Fields clearly states, sometimes you have to drink more wine just to get the energy to cook with it.
Phyllis Diller
“Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.”
Forget all you’ve heard about healthy relationships and listening to each other; fight it out until you both collapse into a heap of giggles. Phyllis Diller wasn’t afraid to shame folks who wasted the time they could be fighting with each other.
Winston Churchill
“I am easily satisfied with the very best.”
When you want to say you’re picky without actually saying you’re picky, quote this gem. It allows you to insist that you only accept the highest quality of everything while sounding instantly impressive.
Lucille Ball
“I’m not funny. What I am is brave.”
The queen of comedy wasn’t afraid to be ugly, messy, or flat-out foolish in front of millions of people. Sometimes laughing at ourselves is the bravest thing we can do.
Robin Williams
“Comedy is acting out optimism.”
No comedian made us laugh (and cry) quite like Robin Williams did. He taught us that humor is something we have to choose. Sometimes you have to find the fun in dark times.
Dolly Parton
“It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.”
Dolly is a genius with self-deprecating humor. She mocks her extravagant persona by reminding us it costs her just as much to look this cheap. She is relatable and instantly disarms you with her iconic humor.
George Burns
“I’d give my right arm to be ambidextrous.”
Arguably the perfect dad joke, it doesn’t get much better than this. It’s short and sweet, and the perfect example of how comedy doesn’t always need a complicated buildup; sometimes, you just need to logically lead someone to one conclusion before chopping them down with the punchline.
Carol Burnett
“Comedy is tragedy plus time.”
A rule of thumb for comedic writers and jokesters everywhere: let some time pass and your deepest regrets and embarrassments will become funny stories you can share over cocktails.
Bob Hope
“I do not fear death. I had been married for forty-eight years.”
There’s a whole genre of jokes about marriage and Bob Hope was on the forefront of that. Joking about the struggles of marriage is great because anyone who’s been in a relationship for any period of time can appreciate it.
Mae West
“I used to be Snow White, but I drifted.”
Mae West was the queen of one-liners and knew how to leave things open-ended while implying she had a far wilder, scandalous past. She had the confidence to let people assume what they wanted and laughed in the face of anyone who had something to say about it.
Bill Murray
“Whatever you do, always give 100%. Unless you’re giving blood.”
Murray takes an overused motivational quote and points out the obvious flaw. That’s classic Murray: finding humor in our everyday rules by highlighting the exceptions.
Sources: Please see here for a complete listing of all sources that were consulted in the preparation of this article.
