There are so many men who will laugh off a harsh comment in the moment, but they’ll still remember exactly what was said three hours later, and they’ll feel hurt.
The laugh he wasn’t expecting
A guy who finally admits that something genuinely scared him or that he’s upset can expect a few reactions. Namely, that someone will laugh at him. They might be trying to make things less awkward for the guy, but it doesn’t come across that way.Â
It’s like he’s being told he’s ridiculous for worrying. Men already get told enough about how they should stay calm and keep all their vulnerable feelings under control. Because, apparently, men aren’t allowed to admit their fear or upset. Don’t be surprised if he never brings it up again.
The story that wasn’t theirs to tell
But it gets worse. Men cry, too, yet the difference is that their upset sometimes becomes a topic of conversation. Maybe he cried after his dog died, or maybe he broke down during a horrible year at work. He might’ve told one person about what happened because he trusted them.
Then he finds out later that they told other people that he was crying. Crying is already private enough for men because they get judged against ideas about toughness. But now, someone has decided that one of his most unguarded moments was something everyone should hear.
The easy physical punch line
Jokes about a man’s height are way too common these days. A short guy will hear all sorts of comments, including digs about whether he needs a booster seat and something about wearing platform shoes. Most people laugh along, including the guy.
That doesn’t mean he enjoys it, though. No, height can be a real body-image issue for men, so it’s completely unfair to laugh it off like this. What makes it worse is that he can’t do anything about it. He’s just got to grin and bear the comments about his height. How mean.
Two words instead of support
‘Man up.’ They’re only two words, but they carry so much power. People tell a guy to ‘man up’ when he’s talking about being overwhelmed or worrying about money. He could just be grieving, but that’s not masculine enough, apparently.
The issue itself goes out the window. Now the question is whether or not he’s acting enough like a man. He could’ve spent ages deciding whether to say anything at all about his problem. He just gets those two words instead, and they’ll stop him from bringing up the problem again.
The joke that keeps moving upward
Men hear jokes about their physical appearance all the time, and they’re supposed to laugh along with them. Take receding hairlines, for example. Some people treat them like public property and laugh about a guy’s forehead size or comb-overs.Â
They’ll joke about how much higher the hairline will be by Christmas. It’s not so funny when you consider that he might’ve been checking the mirror himself for six months, and might be deeply insecure about it.
Applause for being a dad
Some of the things that hurt a guy’s feelings aren’t always meant in a mean way. A father looking after his kids in public might hear comments about how he’s an amazing dad. Not because he’s done anything special, but because he fulfilled the basic parenting role.
The praise itself is meant to be kind, yet it can also feel strangely insulting. He’s not doing the child’s mother a favor by changing the baby’s diapers or making lunches. He’s just being a parent. The truth is, comments like this suggest mothers are the natural caregivers and dads are helpful assistants. It feels like nobody expected much from him to begin with.
Kindness mistaken for weakness
The way a guy treats his children is a problem, too. A guy who comforts his child and is gentle towards them might be told that they’re ‘soft.’ Chances are, he’ll laugh along because there’s nothing else he can do about it.
But it’s a joke that turns his patience and affection into supposedly embarrassing qualities. Being calm with a scared five-year-old isn’t exactly a complete change in personality. He’s just being a dad, simple as that. It gets under his skin when it’s treated like a weakness.
A name replaced by a job title
Listen to the way that a guy gets introduced. Instead of just being introduced as ‘Mark,’ he gets introduced as ‘Mark the surgeon’ or some other mention about his salary and business. That’s not to say work isn’t important for men. It obviously is.
It’s just that guys don’t want to be introduced to other people like a walking LinkedIn profile. Newsflash, they have a lot more to them than their careers. Maybe they’re funny or obsessed with old horror movies. Yet he keeps getting the hollow label of being ‘the finance guy.’
The complaint that becomes comedy
A guy talks about how something bothered him. Someone else does an exaggerated impression of him complaining, and it gets everybody laughing. Now the conversation’s over. Turning a guy’s genuine complaint into comedy is guaranteed to make him feel dismissed, not heard.
The worst part is that some guys experience this when they’re talking about something serious. Yes, they might be talking about workplace harassment or something similar. But all they get is jokes at their expense, and their feelings being brushed aside. They don’t get acknowledged.
Respect turned into a masculinity joke
Respectful guys tend to hear the same joke from other people. They’ll talk about them being ‘whipped.’ These guys might leave the bar because they told their partner they’d be home by eleven. They’re ‘whipped,’ apparently.
They check whether their partner already has plans before agreeing to a weekend away. They’re ‘whipped,’ too. A guy showing respect to his partner is apparently a bad thing. He’s supposedly surrendered control of his life, and that’s a bad thing. No wonder that hurts.
One word that dismisses the whole thing
You might be surprised at how many times guys get called ‘sensitive.’ It usually happens after they mention something has hurt them. The topic moves away from the comment someone else made, and now, the focus is on how his reaction is excessive.
He’s not acting tough enough. He’s not controlling himself enough. He’s forced to either defend his feelings or brush the whole thing off like it doesn’t matter. But it does matter. That was the point of him bringing it up.Â
The body joke nobody checks first
A man gains ten pounds. Everybody has an opinion on it. He’ll get a pat on the stomach from one person, and then a joke about how married life must be treating him. There are also comments about how skinny he used to be.Â
Men can be as insecure about their bodies as women can be. The main difference is that many people still assume guys simply don’t care much. There are guys that genuinely don’t care, sure, but there are others who do. You usually can’t tell which one you’re joking with, so it’s better to avoid jokes altogether.
Courage measured in anatomy
One of the worst things a guy hears is ‘Grow a pair.’ It’s a line that tends to appear when he’s already unsure of himself. Maybe he doesn’t want to confront someone, or maybe he’s nervous about making a huge decision. Whatever the reason, it doesn’t matter.
This kind of line skips past the hurt and focuses on his masculinity instead. Or, his lack of masculinity, apparently. He’s being told that hesitating and showing any kind of doubt makes him less of a man.Â
Friendship made unnecessarily awkward
Men aren’t allowed to have close male friends. At least, that’s how some people act, and they seem to think there’s something wrong with having male friendships. There isn’t. He could talk about how he’s going away with a friend. He hears a joke about it.
The two of them hug. That’s worthy of a comment, too. It gets to the point where lots of men hold back from certain kinds of closeness with male friends because they’re worried about how other people will read it. It’s just not right to make a friendship feel embarrassing.
Sources: Please see here for a complete listing of all sources that were consulted in the preparation of this article.
