Everyone knows that a first date is your chance to make a great impression, but saying the wrong thing could make it into a much more awkward experience.
A little too close to the altar
No matter your age or your background, we can all agree that marriage is a big deal. That’s why it’s not appropriate to bring up marriage on a first date. A guy might tell a woman that she’d ‘make an amazing wife’ and think he’s just complimenting her.
But there’s no way that he’d know that already, especially since he hasn’t even found out how she feels about marriage. She might not be interested in it whatsoever. Saying someone’s perfect for marriage is lovely when you’ve been dating for a while, but not on the first date.
A family that doesn’t exist yet
It’s a similar situation with the line, ‘You’d be such a great mother.’ Sure, it sounds like a lovely compliment, but it’s really not right for a first date. You don’t have a clue whether this woman wants children. She could have very personal reasons for not wanting them.
There’s also the fact that you’ve only just met this woman, so you have no idea whether she’d be a great mother. Don’t jump straight to imagining her raising a family when you haven’t even had dessert yet. That’s too much.
The comfort that comes too quickly
You might’ve been on the date for two hours without a single awkward silence. That’s great. It’s so great, in fact, that you feel like telling her, ‘I’ve never felt this comfortable with anyone before.’ Stop right there.
That’s quite a declaration to make to someone you’ve only just met, and it’s way too forward for a first date. There’s no guarantee that she’s feeling the same way, either. Feel free to tell her that you’re having a wonderful time, but don’t act like it’s a movie moment.
The perfect woman on paper
All it took was one dinner, and apparently, you’ve found the woman of your dreams. You might want to compliment her by saying, ‘You’re exactly the woman I’ve been looking for.’ It does seem romantic, but the thing is, you’re giving her an awful lot to live up to.
You’re making assumptions about her that you just can’t know yet, and that’s only going to set her up for failure. Save the claims about her being the perfect woman until you know a little more about her.
The compliment that gets too physical
Of course you should find your date physically attractive. After all, you wouldn’t be there if you didn’t fancy her at least a little, presumably. Yet there’s a fine line between appreciating how a woman looks on the first date and telling her, ‘You have the most beautiful body.’
That’s quite a personal compliment to share on a first meeting. For one thing, you have no idea whether she’s comfortable with that kind of attention, and for another, you don’t want to focus so much on her body. A better compliment is saying that she looks gorgeous instead.
The comparison nobody requested
Let’s get one thing straight. You’re not on a date with your ex, but with someone else completely. There’s no reason for you to bring up your past relationship by saying, ‘You’re so much better than my ex,’ no matter how much of a compliment it might seem.
All it tells a woman is that you’re comparing her with someone else. She’ll start wondering whether you’ve really moved on from the relationship. She might not even want to ask why your ex was so bad, since that could lead to a conversation neither of you particularly wanted.
The surprise behind the photograph
Some guys think they’re being kind when they tell a woman, ‘You look better than your pictures.’ They think it’s a nice thing to say, as if they’re saying that she looks prettier in real life than online. But it might not come across as the compliment he intended.
No, this kind of line could suggest that her photographs weren’t particularly flattering, even if she spent ages choosing the perfect pictures. She’ll start to wonder what you expected her to look like. Perhaps you thought she used too many filters, or maybe you were worried she wouldn’t look like her profile. She’ll start overthinking things, and that’s not what you want on a first date.
The curves under consideration
When you’re in a relationship, saying ‘You have such a beautiful figure’ probably goes down well. It’s a different story on a first date, however. Saying it means you’re commenting directly on her body’s shape, and that’s a bit too much for strangers.
Yes, she might be flattered. She also might be hoping that you weren’t paying so much attention to her proportions and the way her body looks. Turns out, there are ways of appreciating a woman’s figure that don’t involve announcing it across the dinner table.
The voice that gets all the attention
There are some accents that sound really charming, and no, there’s nothing wrong with noticing them. Just maybe keep that compliment to yourself. Telling a woman on the first date, ‘Your accent is really cool,’ could make her feel uncomfortable.
It draws attention to something that she might feel insecure about, or something that she doesn’t want people focusing on. Worse still, you might turn the evening into a kind of performance where you keep asking her to say things just to hear her accent. Remember that she’s your date. She’s not a walking language lesson.
The stranger who feels familiar
You might discover on the first date that you both love the same movies and hate the same foods. Better yet, you have a similar sense of humor. It can make you want to tell her, ‘I feel like I’ve known you for years,’ but you should perhaps keep that to yourself. A line like that is a bit too much for a first date. There’s so much about her that you don’t know yet, and she might get turned off by hearing you speak like you’re already lifelong companions. Enjoy the connection between you two, but remember there’s plenty of time ahead to know each other better.
The imaginary dating league
Telling a woman that she’s ‘way out of your league’ is a weird way to compliment her. Essentially, you’re telling her that she’s much more attractive than you, and that’s only going to put her in an awkward position.
She won’t know whether to disagree so that she doesn’t seem arrogant or to reassure you that you’re handsome so you don’t feel insecure. That’s a lot of work. She’s probably just trying to enjoy a first date, and there’s no need to act like you’ve won a competition by getting her there.
The reputation she never asked for
Telling a woman, ‘I bet you’re a heartbreaker’ isn’t the compliment you might think it is, and especially not on the first date. You’re effectively making guesses about her romantic history. She probably doesn’t want that.
You might think you’re trying to make her understand that she’s pretty, but you’re also suggesting that she’s left a trail of disappointed men behind her. You have no idea what she’s really like. You don’t have the information to support the idea of her being a heartbreaker.
The competition that isn’t there
It’s a similar story with this one. When you’re enjoying dinner with a beautiful woman, you might decide to praise her by talking about how all the other men must want her. You try it by saying something like, ‘You must have guys chasing you all the time.’
The problem is, a compliment like that only opens a conversation about how much attention she gets from strangers. That’s probably not the conversation you were hoping to have over dinner. It also makes you seem kind of insecure, and that’s not the impression you want to give on a first date.
The attraction turned up too high
Save the line ‘You’re irresistible’ for when you actually know how she feels about you. That’s not during the first date. It’s quite a loaded compliment, and it’s way too forward for the first time you’ve met someone.
She might take it as a sign that you want to kiss her or take things further with her before she’s even decided whether she wants another date. She might enjoy hearing this compliment eventually. But a first date probably isn’t the time to sound so intense.
Sources: Please see here for a complete listing of all sources that were consulted in the preparation of this article.
14 ‘compliments’ men give women that actually creep them out
Men tell women compliments in the hopes that it’ll make a woman feel good, but there are a few lines that end up making a woman feel very uncomfortable instead.
14 ‘compliments’ men give women that actually creep them out
