Relationships can become difficult for many reasons, and sometimes the problem comes from small things a woman doesn’t even notice she’s doing.
The love test
In attempts to test their man’s love for them, some women will ignore their partner’s texts, act cold towards him, or ask him to prove that he really does care. The hope is that he’ll go into rescue mode or get jealous enough to show her how much he loves her. These tests can leave your partner feeling frustrated, and the relationship will seem unstable.
The public punchline
Teasing a boyfriend about his shortcomings, looks, or embarrassing incidents may feel acceptable when others are laughing along. But he might feel embarrassed that others are laughing about private information.
It also doesn’t help if she ridicules him for feeling this way by telling him he can’t take a joke. Light teasing can be good for a relationship, but making a partner the butt of jokes over and over can slowly erode their feeling of security.
A compliment with conditions
She means it as a compliment when she says things like, “You look so much better when you dress like this.” But he may hear, “You look terrible the other times.” Comments like this about his job, body, or personality might make him question if she really likes him at all.
Don’t be that girl who discourages with compliments. Even positive encouragement backfires when there’s a hidden “if only” in every compliment.
The invisible audience
Some women start caring more about how their relationship looks instead of how it feels. They get bummed out when their boyfriend doesn’t plan moonlit birthday surprises or Facebook proclamations of love.
A lovely weekend suddenly feels disappointing when they learn their friend vacationed somewhere exotic. When we seek outside validation too much, real life starts losing meaning if it’s not photographing well for everyone else.
The loyalty trap
She could believe that her partner should automatically side with her when she’s arguing with a friend, family member, or coworker. If he diplomatically points out that maybe that person is right, she’ll take it as betrayal.
Eventually, he won’t offer helpful solutions or advice because she gets mad every time they disagree. Agreeing with a partner every time isn’t supportive, and allowing other opinions can actually strengthen the relationship.
The disappearing invitation
She could stop asking him to do things she likes after he declines invitations a few times. Maybe he once told her he didn’t want to go to an art gallery. She thinks he’ll never want to go anywhere with her.
She starts planning fun things without him and gets upset that they no longer go places to do fun stuff together. Interests change, and someone could like something just because you like to go there. Keep inviting him without guilt-tripping him if he says no.
The wrong kind of help
If her boyfriend comes to her with an issue, she may jump right into problem-solving mode. She might offer to call someone or take care of it for him.
While she thinks she’s being helpful, all he may have needed was a sounding board. Unwanted advice can make someone feel incompetent in their own life. Simply asking if he wants advice, practical help, or just a listener is helpful.
The private investigator
Checking can start off as looking for when he last logged on, analyzing his Facebook habits, or questioning him about mundane encounters. What can begin as verification that all is well can turn into looking for proof that something is off. Even if she finds nothing, feeling secure for that moment can lead her to check again. Continual monitoring can destroy trust and breed insecurity in a healthy relationship.
A debt he never knew about
She sacrifices something important for the relationship without disclosing to him what she gave up. Maybe she declined a promotion at work, missed a vacation, or spent money she was planning on saving. Several months later, she’s angry with him because he never showed enough gratitude for something he didn’t really know about.
Silent sacrifices create expectations on the other person who has no chance to communicate. Meaningful sacrifices should be made with both partners aware of the concession and on board with the decision.
The endless rehearsal
She spends hours daydreaming about what to say before she ever talks to him about an issue. She replays past arguments in her head, envisions all the ways he will defend himself, and has her comeback ready. By the time she brings something up to him, she’s already mad about something that hasn’t happened yet.
It’s okay to prepare yourself to talk to your partner, but don’t think you already know what they’re going to say.
The peacekeeping habit
She says yes to things she wants to do, claims she is fine when she is upset about something, and never states her preferences because she doesn’t want to be difficult. With her desires repeatedly going unnoticed or being turned down, she’ll eventually come to feel invisible and undervalued.
He may not even know there is an issue because she has told him so many times that everything is okay. Healthy relationships require two people’s preferences, and some fights, not one person simply obliging.
The relationship on autopilot
She thinks because things are going smoothly that there’s no need to pay much attention. She may stop inquiring about his evolving interests, assume she knows his opinions, or forget that his goals have changed. She’s shocked years later to find they no longer connect, despite rarely arguing.
People evolve all through their lives. The partner who seemed to understand you five years ago may not be meeting your needs now. Curiosity about one another prevents your comfortably quiet relationship from growing distant.
Too many voices
Discussing relationship issues with friends or family can be helpful. However, hashing out every disagreement with others can cause others to influence decisions you should be making together. Hearing just one side of an argument, your friend may unknowingly fan the flames of resentment or make it difficult for you to forgive each other.
Learn to ask for advice when you need it and keep others from micromanaging your relationship. However, if the problem you are having is abuse of any kind or threatens your safety, outside support becomes crucial.
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