It’s the small moments that tell you all you need to know about some people, and that includes those who are more self-centered than others.
Bigger and better
Another person gets good news. But it’s only theirs for a few seconds because a self-centered person has to remind everyone about how they went through something similar, or something better. It’s time for a tour of their life.
Nobody asked for it or anything, and it’s not like they’re trying to be rude on purpose. But they are. They can’t allow the spotlight to be on another person for too long because it makes them feel way too uncomfortable, so they chip in with their own story instead.
A question with a hook
You might notice them asking questions like, ‘How are you?’ Seems generous enough. However, they’ll only listen enough to get one useful word from the other person, which they’ll then use for their own story. They ask questions only when they can use the answer.
They ask about your day, you mention a dentist appointment, and now they’re telling you all about their teeth. How did that happen? It’s all because the question had a hook inside, and it wasn’t really a question at all. No, it was a way to bring the conversation back to them.
Clean slate, no cleanup
These sorts of people aren’t afraid of apologizing. No way. In fact, they sometimes say it a little too quickly, and they apologize immediately, then expect everything to go back to normal. You’re supposed to move on.
Because, apparently, saying the word was enough, with no change in behavior needed. They apologize without actually meaning it. An apology gives them a sense of comfort and makes them feel better about themselves. They don’t care that it didn’t help you.
Wrapped in their taste
They’re great gift-givers. At least, you think they are. They’ll give expensive and stylish gifts to other people, which makes them seem like they’re being kind. But look a little closer. Turns out, the gift has nothing to do with the receiver, and all to do with the giver.
They give things in a color that they love, and they give items they think are great, not what other people actually want. The gift is really a way to make themselves look so much better. Not exactly generous behavior, is it?
Room for one
Shared spaces stop being so shared when they’re around. The chair? That’s for their bag. Their phone’s volume? They don’t care, they’re playing it loud enough for everyone to hear. Annoyingly, these people dominate shared spaces without checking with anyone else.
It’s not like they’re making a big scene. They just keep behaving like everyone’s going to adjust around them, as they believe they’re the center of the universe, you know.
Only after the bump
There’s only one time that boundaries make sense to these people, and that’s when they suffer the consequences. Before that, boundaries mean nothing. They’ll do whatever they want, until they’re punished for crossing them.
Yes, they’ll continually call late and push for details, but then, someone stops answering. Now they’re oh-so-interested in ‘respect.’ The truth is, they weren’t bothered in the slightest about the boundary, until ignoring it made life harder.
Pain becomes a scoreboard
Don’t bother telling them about your problems. Why? Because you’re only going to hear about how they have it much worse, how their problems are way more serious. You slept for only 6 hours, but they only slept for 4. You’re stressed, but their week was more overwhelming.
Everything’s a competition with them, and they’re competitions that self-centered people are absolutely determined to win. They’re not exactly trying to dismiss you. But still, that’s how it feels, and you’re stuck playing second fiddle to the drama of their life.
One face runs the room
Group photos tell you a lot about these people. It doesn’t matter that everyone else looks fine because they’ll force you to retake the picture. Don’t you know their smile looks weird or their arm looks wrong? Everyone has to take the picture again and again until this person looks right.
They’re fine to post the picture as long as they look good. They don’t care that anyone else looks bad. Wanting a good picture is one thing, sure, but it’s a bit much when you’re making everyone else into extras for your best angle.
A few steps ahead
Look at how they walk. Rather than slowing down to walk together, they’ll charge full steam ahead, without so much as a glance back. It means nothing to them that someone’s carrying bags or that someone’s feeling tired out. Self-centered people keep going.
It sounds like nothing, but it really is quite important. Walking as a group involves paying attention to other people and their pace, so someone who doesn’t do that only cares about themselves.
The camera comes out
Some self-centered people are really good at helping other people out, no matter what it might involve. But they’re not actually being kind. Not really. No, they’ll make sure to share the event online immediately, so that the whole world can see how selfless they really are.
It’s not like you have to keep your good deeds to yourself, of course, but you can’t exactly deny that the camera comes out a bit too often. When they immediately start snapping pictures after their good deed, you know what’s really going on.
Make yourself at home
We usually say the same thing to guests. We tell them, ‘Make yourself at home,’ but the thing is, self-centered people take that too literally, and they’ll treat other people’s homes like a hotel. They’ll leave their shoes wherever and eat the last serving of food without asking.
Other people’s homes are just background scenery to them, a place for them to do exactly as they please. They see everyone as secondary to them. They’re the main star of the show, didn’t you know?
Advice arrives early
Try explaining a problem to them and see what happens. You won’t even get a chance to finish because, before too long, they’ll start sharing ways to solve your problems. They don’t actually care about fixing things.
What’s more important is that they seem like someone wise and that they seem like they know what they’re doing. They’re not bothered about understanding your situation. All they want to do is show off how intelligent and helpful they are.
Talking over certain people
Half a beat. That’s all the space self-centered people need to start talking, and they’ll take the opportunity as soon as a quiet person gives it to them. They’ll immediately switch to a new topic or share a louder joke.
But it’s funny because it only ever happens with people who are quieter. Self-centered people know they’d never get away with it around more confident people, so they choose to talk over someone with a softer voice. Someone who won’t fight back.
Sources: Please see here for a complete listing of all sources that were consulted in the preparation of this article.
