Some jokes are so bad they circle all the way back around to being funny.
What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?
Nacho cheese.
Say it out loud. “Nacho.” It’s a wonder this joke has lasted as long as it has. It’s stupidly simple, needs no buildup, and is the epitome of groan-worthy wordplay. It’s been told at millions of dinner tables across the world.
What do you call a sleeping bull?
A bulldozer.
Seemingly, take a bull and have him take a snooze, you have created an entire category of construction machinery. There is no rational thought process involved at all. It’s right there in the pun itself. And that’s what makes jokes like this so great.
Why did the scarecrow win an award?
Because he was outstanding in his field.
It’s the kind of joke that you see coming a mile away. But for some reason, it still lands. It combines the word outstanding (which means excellent) and literally standing outside in a field. You’ll roll your eyes, but somewhere behind that eye roll is a smile.
Why don’t skeletons fight each other?
They don’t have the guts.
Of course, skeletons don’t have guts, but you also learn that means they aren’t courageous enough to pick a fight. This is a type of joke that kids love.
What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear.
The reason this joke is funny is because the punchline is so absurd, yet makes sense. If you remove all of the teeth from a bear, you don’t get a dental emergency; you get candy. It’s short, not offensive, and stupid enough that even if you heard it twenty times you might chuckle.
Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself?
It was two-tired.
Sure, it has two tires by definition. But say it out loud, and suddenly the poor bicycle seems completely worn out. That’s the joke. Nothing else. And that’s all you need. It’s the kind of pun that kids giggle at while their parents nod and tell themselves that they’re way too cool for jokes like that.
What did one wall say to the other wall?
“I’ll meet you at the corner.”
Just picturing two walls making plans to meet up somewhere is delightfully ridiculous. Then you remember that the corner is where two walls meet, and the painfully hilarious punchline sinks in.
Why did the math book look sad?
Because it had too many problems.
Anyone who ever cringed through pages of equations in school will sympathize with this poor book. “Problems” works perfectly because a math textbook is literally full of problems, and the word also refers to life’s challenges
Why did the tomato turn red?
Because it saw the salad dressing.
This joke is as old as time itself, but I’ll never get sick of imagining that scenario. The tomato isn’t ripening; it’s blushing because it witnessed the salad dressing itself. It’s wholesome, dumb wordplay that works because the joke makes a common phrase literal.
What do you call a fake noodle?
An impasta.
Did you know that somewhere in the world there is a piece of spaghetti that is pretending to be something that it’s not? “Impostor” plus “pasta” equals the most corny punchline imaginable. And that’s why it’s funny.
Why can’t your nose be 12 inches long?
Because then it would be a foot.
It lulls you into contemplating an absurdly large nose until it abruptly turns from anatomy to measurement. Twelve inches is the same as one foot, so the punchline is technically true, even if everything else about the scenario is completely ridiculous.
Why don’t eggs tell jokes?
They’d crack each other up.
Eggs crack. People “crack up” when they laugh. That’s enough logic for this joke, apparently. This is the kind of joke with a punchline so blatantly obvious you can’t help but laugh.
What did the ocean say to the beach?
Nothing, it just waved.
This one almost walks the line between sweet and stupid. Ocean waves turn into friendly little greetings and the ordinary act is transformed into ridiculously simple wordplay. It’s so silly, yet harmless and predictable.
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11 Bob Newhart one-liners that prove why he was comedy’s quiet genius
There was something so special about the way Bob Newhart told jokes, and it has a lot to do with how he could get a laugh from something as simple as a pause or a country song.
11 Bob Newhart one-liners that prove why he was comedy’s quiet genius
