It really doesn’t matter how perfectly nice you think you’re being, as there are some small conversational habits that make people immediately wish they weren’t speaking to you.
The correction nobody needed
There’s a specific moment that’s really annoying. You know the one. It’s where you correct someone on a little detail that, honestly, doesn’t really matter. Maybe you’re right with your correction. But unless it actually matters to the story, you come across as irritating.Â
Accuracy isn’t always important in a conversation. Keep those thoughts to yourself unless you’re absolutely, positively sure that the other person needs to know them. Being technically right isn’t always worth it.
Suddenly, it’s your story
You think you’re connecting with them by sharing a similar experience. That’s true sometimes, yes, but not when your story replaces the original conversation. Newsflash, a conversation needs to be back-and-forth.
Nobody wants to talk to someone who insists on everything being one-sided. What makes this habit so annoying is that you think you’re being friendly, and you think you’re relating. The other person’s just wondering if they can ever get a word in.
Your eyes have wandered
Nothing says that you’re listening quite like staring over someone’s shoulder at someone else. That’s sarcasm, if you didn’t know. Eye behavior tells other people a lot about whether they have your attention, and looking at something is plain rude.
You don’t have to constantly stare at the other person, of course. It’d be weird. But the point here is that if you keep looking away when someone’s talking, they’ll think you don’t care about them. They’ll take it as a sign that you’re being rude. It’s not a good sign, that’s for sure.
The lesson they didn’t ask for
You wouldn’t tell a nurse what a blood pressure reading means, or try explaining mortgage rates to someone who works in banking. So don’t do it to other people. You might be excited to share what you know about a topic. But that doesn’t mean you should.
No, you should check what the other person already knows and then make a judgment. Don’t explain stuff to someone who already knows about it and hasn’t asked for information. Even a perfectly accurate explanation may come off as condescending.
The résumé slips out
The thing with status-dropping is that it doesn’t always sound like obvious bragging. It gets tucked away inside an unrelated story, where you subtly mention the name of an expensive neighborhood or famous acquaintance. You may think you’re being subtle.
Nobody sees it that way, though. They think you’re humblebragging, and honestly, it comes off way worse than directly bragging about something. Any kind of casual flex usually isn’t casual. People can read between the lines to find the extra information sitting there.
Everything gets a yes
You love their favorite movie, and you hate the restaurant they hate. Every single one of their ideas sounds genius. All that constant agreement starts feeling a little suspicious, and it gets to the point where people start to dislike you for it.
They start thinking there’s a motive behind your agreement. It’s fine to agree sometimes, of course, but you’re not there to be someone’s lapdog. It’s actually pretty obvious, in fact, when someone’s personality keeps changing to match someone else’s. It’s not good.
You got there before they did
We all know people like this. They’re the ones who just can’t resist saying the last word and finishing someone else’s sentences. They usually do it because they think they’re being affectionate, but really, everyone else reads it as an interruption.
Even the research supports it. People judge early interruptions pretty negatively, and they don’t like frequent interrupters very much. The fact you guessed correctly isn’t important. The fact that the other person didn’t get to say what they wanted to, so don’t be the one who stops them.
The friendship fast-forward
Closeness is one of those things that builds in stages. Trying to be overly personal and sharing too much as soon as you’ve met someone is a bad idea. It actually reads as badly timed or inappropriate, because familiarity works better when both people are moving at around the same speed.
Don’t jump the gun. Giving someone a nickname and casually touching their arm within the first five minutes almost always reads negatively. When you skip too many steps, the other person’s going to wonder what you’re really going for. They’ll assume you have another motive.
The goodness résumé
Let’s get one thing straight, helping someone is always good, and there’s no problem with it. The issue comes when you mention it three separate times that you’re the kind of person who helps people. You might have examples to show how helpful you are. Great.
You’re still bragging, though, and it actually defeats the whole purpose of what you’re trying to tell them. Showing how good a person you are is way better than talking about it. Actions speak louder than words, after all.
The sneaky little ‘we’
It’s funny how some people love overusing the word ‘we.’ They’ll say things like, ‘We need to remember to send that invoice,’ despite the fact that there’s only one name on the task. They’re trying to be friendly by making the task a form of teamwork.
But it gets annoying pretty quickly when they’re using the word to give the other person an order. To put it simply, it’s patronizing. Say what you mean, and be direct by saying ‘You need to send it’ because that’ll feel a lot less weird.
Everybody apparently agrees
There’s a similar problem with how some people talk about others. They’ll share an opinion that they have about other people, but they’ll do it in a collective way. They’ll say, ‘Everyone thinks he’s difficult,’ for example, without ever asking what other people think.
It’s no wonder people immediately dislike those who talk like this. It’s a form of negative gossip that erases anyone else’s voice, and presents this one person’s opinion as a fact. Being around someone like that never feels good.
The joke that lands sideways
Mispronunciations are some of those things that happen. You could be a native English speaker, and you still might butcher a word or two. That’s okay. What’s not okay is when somebody else repeats the mistake back in a silly voice for everyone to hear.
It’s different when it’s a close friend, as they can get away with that. But it tends to come off badly when a newer acquaintance does it, and it actually comes off as teasing instead of a joke.
Sources: Please see here for a complete listing of all sources that were consulted in the preparation of this article.
