One of the worst feelings is when you want someone you can’t actually have, but there are some things you can try doing to stop that feeling from dragging on.
Cut off the tiny reminders
Let’s get one thing straight, you don’t have to completely block the other person and cut them entirely out of your life. Try and start smaller. Stop yourself from checking their social media stories, and make sure you don’t reread the conversation you had three months ago.
Keep any photos you have together somewhere else. Avoiding those little doses of them will keep the whole thing from feeling current, despite the fact that nothing is actually happening. A ‘quick look’ can be more painful than it sounds.
Take the hidden meaning out
It’s quite common for your brain to turn ordinary moments into clues when you like someone. They might remember your coffee order, for example, and you take that as a sign you’re meant to be together. But no.
Focus on what actually happened between you, rather than treating every interaction as a sign that you’re supposed to have a relationship with them. Facts matter here, not guesses. The truth is, all that yearning and analyzing is only going to tire you out.
Make the meetings less intimate
You’re not helping matters by going for an intimate dinner with them. Hanging around with them after everyone else leaves is a bad idea too. You can still see them, of course, but try to restrict those meetings to group events with plenty of other people.
Don’t allow yourself to have any one-on-one time with them. If you’re somehow forced into being around each other, try to push yourself into a busier environment, where you don’t have the chance to be so close. It’ll stop you from seeing them in ‘that’ way.
Give reality its own list
When you have feelings for someone, it’s easy to think that they’re utterly perfect. You ignore every awkward or incompatible thing about them. You focus instead on why you’d be good together. But snap out of it and write down every reason you can think of why being together wouldn’t actually work.
It could be something like, ‘They want kids and I don’t’ or ‘They’re already in a relationship with someone else.’ Think of as many reasons as you can, and then put pen to paper. Doing so makes these reasons more concrete, and it could make you accept them more easily.
Give the thought somewhere else to go
Don’t punish yourself if you start having thoughts about being with them. It’s natural. Instead, try to catch yourself just before you start spending too much time thinking about them. Tell yourself to move on.
You can try doing something physical to really force yourself to stop thinking about them. For example, as soon as you think of their name, put some music on and make some food. Distract yourself with something else. That way, they’re not a constant presence in your mind.
Put appointments into the blank spaces
The thing with empty time is that, yes, it can be great to relax, but it can also cause you to start thinking about them. That’s why you should try to cut it out of your life. Instead of immediately going home after work and wallowing on the couch, try going to the gym instead.
Rather than going for long drives by yourself, join a class or start a game. Schedule something to do during that empty time. It’ll help keep your mind off them, and who knows, you might start doing something you actually enjoy.
Spread your attention around again
It’s easy to push your loved ones aside when one person takes up too much emotional space. Don’t let that happen to you. Pull those people in, whether they’re friends or family, and take this opportunity to really invest in those relationships.
Yes, you should do the things together that you’ve been meaning to do for ages. It’ll give you something else to do instead of dwelling on your feelings, and it’ll also help you feel a little less alone.
Let new people stay new
Some people try to get over others by immediately jumping into a relationship with someone else. That’s not always a bad thing. You have to remember, however, that the first new person you meet probably isn’t going to give you the same feeling as them.
Another person isn’t their replacement. Go on dates if you want, sure. Widen your circle with new friends, that’s totally fine. Just don’t expect anyone new to fill that gap because, if you do, you’ll be stuck wondering why they don’t compare.
Move the familiar pieces around
You might not recognize it, but your brain has probably begun associating the other person with very normal things. One coffee shop reminds you of them. So does one road home. That’s why you should try to mess with that setup a little and do things differently.
Take a different road home, one that doesn’t go near that coffee shop and isn’t your usual way home. Do whatever you can to break the habit. When you change the cue, you’re giving yourself fewer accidental reminders of them, and that should help you get over them.
Put the unsaid words on paper
There’s a conversation in your head that you might want to have with them. You probably won’t get the chance to have it in real life, but that doesn’t mean you can’t try. Write the message you’re never going to send to them.
It can be as detailed or as short as you like. Just make sure you get everything off your chest that you want to say, then close the app and leave it unsent. The act of writing it can sometimes be enough to give you closure.
Stop leaving a seat for them
So many people think they’re getting over the other person, but really, they’re planning a future with them in mind. They’ll say they’ll date again, unless that other person becomes available. They’ll take that trip, unless something changes.
This sort of thinking is unhealthy, and it’s absolutely not going to stop you from having feelings for them. You have to build a life that doesn’t include waiting for them. Book things and say yes, without considering whether they might change their mind. They probably won’t.
Sources: Please see here for a complete listing of all sources that were consulted in the preparation of this article.
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