Men who struggle with low self-confidence often don’t come right out and admit it, but the signs tend to slip through in subtle ways.
To better understand this, we asked two mental health professionals about the behaviors they’ve seen most often in men who struggle with confidence. So here are the 11 most common ways men reveal their insecurities without even realizing it.
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Avoiding challenges or risks
Therapists shared that men who doubt themselves tend to stick with what’s safe and familiar. They’ll avoid trying new things, like pursuing a promotion or starting a relationship because the fear of failure feels overwhelming.
Overreacting to small mistakes
It can be something small like spilling a drink, dropping some cash, or missing someone’s name, but to them, it’s always some big disaster. They usually react with an immediate, overly long apology. Then they’re likely to replay the scene in their head on repeat for hours after and feel like complete, utter wrecks about what was really just a little mistake.
Jealousy in relationships
Experts also said that guys with low self-esteem tend to worry a lot that their partner will leave them for someone “better.” They sometimes will become clingy, accusatory, or suspicious of the person they’re dating over very harmless actions.
Overcompensating with arrogance
Some men act overly confident or even cocky as a result of low self-confidence. Experts explained that this “tough guy” act is often just a mask hiding deep feelings of inadequacy.
Laughing at jokes they don’t find funny
According to experts, guys who don’t feel confident will laugh at every joke, even if it’s unfunny or a little mean. They do it so people won’t notice them disagreeing, or so people won’t notice them keeping quiet. They fear they’ll be thought of as boring or unlikable.
Avoiding mirrors or photos
Therapists say that some men with low self-esteem tend to avoid mirrors if they can and hate having their photo taken. They’ll joke about being “unphotogenic,” but it’s actually a real discomfort with their appearance. Meeting for a group photo? It’s a constant source of anxiety.
Overexplaining simple things
Guys with low self-esteem feel they have to “pad” their conversations or ideas with extra, unneeded details. They just want to make sure people understand what they’re trying to say. But this only makes them sound more unsure of themselves.
Talking big before a social event, then backing out
They’ll sometimes hype up a social event and tell their friends how much they’re “looking forward to hanging out” or “can’t wait to see them.” Then the day of the event, they text you last-minute that they can’t make it, because “something came up”. The truth is, they find the idea of social situations intimidating.
Dressing in neutral, unnoticeable clothes
Psychologists explained that some guys with low self-esteem only wear plain colors and basic styles. They’re afraid that someone will notice, or worse, comment on, what they’re wearing. It’s their quiet way of trying to fly under the radar.
Trying too hard to prove their worth with money
Guys with low self-esteem are more likely to feel compelled to buy a flashier car, designer brand t-shirts and jeans, or a $600 pair of headphones. The experts we talked to explained that this impulse is usually just to compensate for how they actually feel inside. The new stuff, they said, rarely satisfies or makes them feel as good as they expect.
Hesitating before speaking in meetings or groups
Experts also said that, at work or in group settings, they’ll physically tense up before speaking, glancing around, clearing their throat, or starting with, “This might be a dumb idea, but…” By the time they finally share their thought, the confidence is already lost.
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