Dad doesn’t need to sit his daughter down to explain some things to her because, the truth is, she’s figured out a lot of things from him already.
The emotional weather report
One kid skill nobody really talks about is figuring out what mood Dad is in before he says anything. The way he shuts the front door and sighs is a strong sign of how he feels. It becomes second nature for her to read a guy’s mood.
She may even start changing her own behavior to keep things calm. Yes, the way her father behaves and shows his feelings will let her know whether she’s expected to manage a man’s emotions. That kind of lesson sticks with her for life.
The first reference point
Dad’s the first man a girl really gets to know well. That means his behavior teaches her exactly what male treatment is supposed to be like. You know, like whether a guy is meant to listen to her when she talks and whether a guy disappears into silence when he’s annoyed.
She uses his treatment of her as the baseline for practically all male behavior in the future. It’s not like she’s consciously thinking about that, of course. But the lesson’s there, filed away in her head, ready to let her know what men are ‘supposed’ to be like. It’s not always a good thing.
When praise comes with conditions
There’s one version of herself that wins Dad’s approval. She knows that, and she’ll make sure to always show it to him. She might become an overachiever because her dad taught her that it’s the only way to get male attention.
She might learn to be easy to deal with because he gets affectionate with her. It’s sad, but it’s true, male approval may start to feel transactional. It all depends on how her dad shows her approval when she’s young.Â
Who gets a say
The way family decisions happen tells her about male and female spaces. A dad who makes every decision teaches a girl that, actually, girls are just supposed to do what a man says. They have no voice of their own.
The opposite side involves her seeing her dad and mom agree on things together. That teaches her not to shrink herself, and that she’s totally allowed to use her voice to express herself. The truth is, how much room she can take up around a man depends on how her dad behaves.
The sound of anger
The sound of a slammed cupboard teaches a girl a lot more than a lecture ever will. They’ll notice what happens when their dad gets angry, and exactly how he reacts. He might stay annoyed but reasonable, or he might get loud and scare everyone.
Perhaps he simply sulks and leaves, that counts too. After seeing enough, she’ll learn from his anger what male anger actually involves. It might mean danger, or it might mean that it’s time to give a guy some space.
The first small limits
It happens long before a girl ever tells a boyfriend ‘no.’ She’ll tell her dad ‘no’ thousands of times about all sorts of stuff, like ‘no hug right now’ and ‘stop teasing me about that.’ They might be small refusals, but they’re quite important.
They give her early experience of what happens when she draws a line with a man she loves. She’ll understand how safe it is to draw these boundaries, and whether guys respect them.
The jobs without labels
There’s no need to openly talk about what men are ‘supposed’ to do and what women are ‘supposed’ to do. No, girls figure out the rules from how their parents behave. Dad always handles money and fixes things, so she thinks that’s what all guys do.
It works the opposite way, too. Dad cooks and asks Mom for computer help, so the daughter stops seeing household tasks as being so gender-divided. How you behave really says a lot, whether you like it or not.
The moment she lets him down
It’s a fact. She’s going to disappoint her father eventually. Every kid does, and it’s a normal part of life. But what really matters here is what Dad does next when that happens. Perhaps she bombs a test or quits soccer practice after he buys all the equipment.
Then Dad decides to stay close while being disappointed, and that teaches her not to fear disappointing a man she loves. Or maybe Dad’s warmth disappears for a while. That teaches her she should never, ever disappoint a man, unless she wants the silent treatment.
The easiest person to call
How her dad reacts when she needs help says a lot. She needs some help with homework, and he gets angry that she’s struggling. Now she’s learned a lesson. Essentially, she shouldn’t ask a man for help, and she should be completely self-reliant.
The good news is that it also works the other way. She needs homework help, and he calmly sits with her until she figures it out. That’s another important lesson, and it teaches her that she can trust men when she’s in need. Â
The moments with no reward
Some of the most interesting stuff happens when Dad has absolutely nothing to gain. For example, he notices that a cashier makes a mistake, but instead of getting annoyed, he stays patient. She learns from how he treats people who cannot do anything for him.
It teaches her about how men treat people with less power. She gets years of examples, even though he might not realize he’s teaching her. She’ll remember that during every interaction she has with a guy.
The pattern that keeps returning
Forgetting one promise probably doesn’t mean much because, really, everyone does it sometimes. But ten years of saying ‘I’ll be there’ followed by actually being there is something else. A daughter learns from her father about whether men follow through and remember things.
She learns from a dad who never does what he says he will. She figures out what consistency from a man actually feels like, and those lessons get built up through repetition. Whatever level of reliability her father shows starts feeling normal.
Sources: Please see here for a complete listing of all sources that were consulted in the preparation of this article.
If your dad had these 9 hobbies, you were likely raised by a great man
Every dad has hobbies, and these nine hobbies are a sign that your father was likely a great man.
If your dad had these 9 hobbies, you were likely raised by a great man
