It only takes two seconds for a pet name to go from sweet to pretty annoying, yet so many men don’t recognize that it happens.
The age problem
It’s fine to use ‘baby girl’ when it’s between two people who already like using it. It can be affectionate, in fact. But it gets quite weird out of that setting, as people usually use those two words to talk to children.
That means it’s kind of patronizing when someone uses it for a grown woman. It’s especially bad when it happens during an argument or when it comes from a man she barely knows. Turns out, saying ‘Calm down, baby girl’ doesn’t exactly help things.
The tiny title
Think carefully about the phrase ‘little lady.’ It might sound polite, sure, but just think about when people usually say it. It’s usually when they’re giving a child a correction or a warning. It has a kind of slightly smug tone to it that never sounds good.
But don’t get it mixed up, as ‘lady’ on its own can be perfectly respectful. It’s just the ‘little’ part that changes things. You sound like you’re trying to put a woman in her place when you use it.
The instant wife
‘Wifey’ sounds kind of sweet, and it has a sort of already-close feeling to it. That’s probably why some men try using the nickname early in the relationship. But that’s also where it can get awkward because she may still be deciding whether this relationship is going anywhere.
Giving her the ‘wife’ label assumes a relationship without asking. There’s also the fact that it gives a woman a role. She’s not her own person anymore, but instead, she’s only someone’s wife. She doesn’t have her own identity. How disrespectful.
The ownership wording
The real problem with ‘my woman’ is that it has a possessive built right into it. It makes things pretty uncomfortable. Saying ‘my girlfriend’ or ‘my wife’ is one thing because those words name a relationship. But ‘my woman’ is broader. It’s also a lot more ownership-heavy.
Yes, it’s a pet name that identifies a woman by what the man’s relationship is to her. She’s being identified as the woman who belongs with him, instead of being someone in her own right. No matter how jokingly someone says this phrase, it’s still quite rude.
The scolding nickname
‘Missy’ is one of those pet names that comes with a gesture. It’s not a good one. It’s a nickname that parents often use with their children, along with a finger wag or two, and that’s part of the problem.
A man calling a woman ‘missy’ sounds like a parent correcting a child. It’s hardly the kind of relationship that makes a woman feel good, so it’s better to stay away from using it whatsoever. That is, unless she says she’s okay with it.
The body-part compliment
‘Sweet cheeks’ is a pet name that’s nowhere near as harmless as some guys think it is. Just think for a second about which cheeks it’s referring to. No, it’s not the ones on her face. That means the pet name doesn’t really fit in the same category as ‘sweetheart.’
Whether it comes from a stranger or a coworker, it’s the same meaning. It turns one part of her body into her name, and not in a good way. It’s certainly not playful, and it’s certainly not respectful, either.
The attraction announcement
The good thing about ‘hot stuff’ is that it’s not trying to be subtle. The bad thing is everything else about it. Yes, it means that the man saying it finds a woman physically attractive. It’s okay to say when it’s between partners who already flirt that way, of course.
But you really shouldn’t use it without knowing whether the woman wants that kind of attention. It opens the conversation with a rating of her appearance that she probably hasn’t asked for. Don’t put her in that position.
The prison joke
The original ‘ball and chain’ was something used to literally stop prisoners from escaping. There’s no good reason for referring to a wife or girlfriend in the same way. Yes, it turns the relationship into a joke about her trapping a guy. It’s pretty offensive.
Some guys might laugh when they say it, and you might even find some women chuckling along, too. That doesn’t mean they actually like it, though. The nickname makes a woman a burden in a relationship, and it’s not affectionate in the slightest.
The age label
One of the older nicknames is ‘the old lady.’ Guys have used it for a while to talk about their wives or girlfriends, and plenty of them still use it without much thought. It doesn’t make it okay to use, however, because the phrase is quite unflattering.
The label doesn’t even make sense if she’s young. For a woman who’s older, it makes her age into something worth mentioning or bringing up. It probably isn’t. You really don’t need to draw attention to a woman’s age, and especially not in an insulting way.
The porcelain compliment
There’s a not-so-nice compliment hiding inside the pet name ‘dollface.’ It essentially tells a woman that she’s pretty because she looks a little like a doll, with a smooth face and delicate features. It makes her seem attractive because she’s youthful.
This sort of nickname reduces her to nothing more than her looks, and it suggests there’s no personality involved. She becomes an object on the shelf. She becomes something pretty to look at, and nothing more.
The coy little animal
‘Kitten’ has a lot more going for it than a cute animal reference. The word has been connected with the idea of women being coy and playful for a while. It also suggests a woman is attractive. That’s where phrases like ‘s** kitten’ come from, after all.
A man using it casually might think he’s being flirty. The woman hears something much more loaded. He’s already formed an opinion about her. He’s already decided she’s teasing and a little seductive. Ouch.
Sources: Please see here for a complete listing of all sources that were consulted in the preparation of this article.
14 little things that will always make a woman feel quietly insulted
It’s actually kind of amazing how quickly a perfectly normal conversation can turn sour for a woman because of a little comment that someone else made.
14 little things that will always make a woman feel quietly insulted
