While some comments might sound harmless because they’re meant as a joke, a lot of them stick with guys for longer than they care to admit, and not because they’re kind.
A familiar little shove
People usually say ‘man up’ so casually, like it means absolutely nothing, when really, it means a lot more. It tends to come when a guy’s already trying his hardest not to seem upset, scared, embarrassed, or anything at all.
But he doesn’t get space to feel any of those things, none whatsoever. He’s supposed to tighten himself up and show no emotion because that’s how men are supposed to be.
Copy and paste
The thing a guy actually did, or didn’t do, doesn’t matter anymore. When someone tells him, ‘You’re just like every other guy,’ they’re putting the focus on every bad ex, every bad date, every bad man who’s done something wrong.
He’s now responsible for all of them, and it really is painful being treated in that way. How is any guy supposed to break free from the assumption that he’s just as bad as everybody else?Â
When feelings get turned down
The most normal reactions from a guy often lead to a comment like ‘Stop being so sensitive.’ Something could’ve genuinely bothered him, but it’s not important anymore, because it’s his overreaction that’s important now.
It’s about time we stopped treating men like they’re supposed to be blank walls without any kind of feelings. They’re human. They deserve to be treated that way, and not have their reactions judged for not being manly. Who decides what’s sensitive enough?
One number follows him
Height jokes reduce a man to nothing more than a measurement on the wall, even when they’re meant as a joke. Having preferences is fine, of course it is, but that doesn’t mean you should make fun of men for being short, or tie their status to their height.
They can’t change their height, can they? Comments like ‘I only date tall men’ might be meant as a joke, but the truth is, they hurt guys more than they let on.
A sentence with too many rules
A sentence like ‘You’re not a real man if…’ has so many different endings, and that’s part of why it hurts so much to hear. One minute, you’re not a real man because you cry, and the next, it’s because you don’t pay for a date. It’s a new rule every day.
Men feel like they’ve got to keep proving their manhood, despite not wanting to, because they’ve got to seem like real men. One or two ‘manly’ things are fine. But everything? All the time? That’s just plain exhausting, simple as that.
A free pass that isn’t free
A man complains about dating, money, work, kids, anything at all, and they get the same response. ‘Men have it so easy.’ That’s supposed to somehow make their suffering completely acceptable because, apparently, everything in life is easier for a man.
There are some things that are better for men, nobody’s trying to deny that, it’s just that men do have it hard, too. Divorced men are less likely to get custody of their children, just because they’re men. Suicide rates are higher for men than women. So much easier, right?
A slogan lands badly
People on social media love saying, ‘Men are trash,’ and it’s become so normalized that they don’t recognize how painful it is. Don’t be surprised if you see some men laughing along, they don’t want to seem like they’re bothered. They probably are.
It doesn’t matter that someone might say this line as a joke. A line like that normalizes talking about men, all men, in a negative way, even when they haven’t done anything wrong themselves. It reinforces stereotypes about them that hurt.
Laughing at the leash
Another saying that sounds cute is, ‘I trained him well,’ and some women will use it when a guy’s done the right thing. At least, the right thing by her standards. The problem here is that it makes basic kindness sound like obedience, and it turns a guy into a pet or a project.
It makes guys feel like they’re being controlled and as though they have no freedom of choice. The nice things they do? That’s just them being housebroken. It’s definitely not heartwarming to feel that way.
Cute name, sharp edge
You’d never hear people talking about a ‘Mom bod’ so casually, so why is it okay for people to talk about a ‘Dad bod’? There are times when people mean it as a compliment, sure, but it’s still a comment about someone’s body.Â
These kinds of comments aren’t magically acceptable because they’re about a man, not a woman. Plenty of men are already suffering in silence with issues like eating disorders, and jokes about their bodies don’t make it any easier.
Nothing to do with you
A guy could be doing the most boring thing ever and simply be standing around, waiting for a taxi, or his friend, whatever. He has a reason to be there. Still, he’ll probably hear someone tell him, ‘You look creepy standing there,’ and that can really sting.
Most men know that they can be read as a threat, no matter what they’re doing, and they know how some people see them. That doesn’t make it any easier. Being told your regular face is a problem isn’t exactly a compliment, and it hurts quite a bit.
Sources: Please see here for a complete listing of all sources that were consulted in the preparation of this article.
