We tend to think we carry ourselves quite well in public, but a lot of the subtle, invisible things we do can be signaling to others in ways we don’t realize.
While these mistakes are nothing big (most won’t even remember you did them), they can sometimes make situations feel awkward socially, or at least make others a little slightly uncomfortable.
Here are 10 subtle ways people embarrass themselves in public without realizing it.
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Mirroring too strictly
Mirroring someone’s body language or tone in a conversation can create rapport, but it’s a subtle art. It’s fine to subconsciously absorb their behavior. But to overtly mimic every word and gesture is “creepy.”
If you mirror someone’s behavior so precisely they become aware of it and back away from you, creating distance.
Using an indoor voice outdoors, or vice versa
Sometimes people don’t quite match their voice to the room they’re in. They may yell through a dinner conversation or mumble at an outdoor event.
Either way it’s off-putting. Other people around them notice it immediately, even if the speaker does not.
Misreading group body language cues
Crossing arms, looking at their watch, or bodies slowly turning away are all non-verbal ways that people indicate they’re either bored or want to leave.
If a person misses these cues and continues to talk they can appear oblivious and/or socially awkward. People with higher social awareness will recognize these signs and change the subject, effectively ending a potentially awkward interaction.
Laughing or smiling at the wrong moment
Sometimes we laugh or smile at inappropriate times, despite not intending rudeness. This is common if the person is nervous or at a loss for words, such as during a serious comment or when another person is in distress.
The slight incongruity can then freeze the moment, making it uncomfortable for everyone. In many cases, those involuntary reactions will be remembered, rather than what the person actually said, because our brains are hardwired to detect any social incongruity.
Saying sorry too much
Some people have a habit of apologizing for no reason at all (e.g. ‘sorry’ for self-interruptions, moving parts of their body, etc.)
These apologies may occur due to politeness or fear of conflict. However, they often make the speaker appear nervous and the whole situation more awkward than necessary.
Over-explaining obvious things
This is a pattern of answering a question with too many unnecessary details. For example, a question like ‘How was your trip?’ may be answered with a long detailed story.
This type of over-explaining can bore the listener. It may also reflect the speaker’s lack of confidence in their own response or a fear of rejection that their answer would not be ‘good enough’.
Fidgeting / restless micro-movements
We’ve all done them, and most people do them when they’re stressed: Glancing around the room, shifting your weight from one foot to the other, and fiddling with your hands.
Done mildly, they can make you feel off-balance and not fully present during an interaction.
Using phrases that make you sound unsure
There are many ways to hedge or dilute your comments with phrases such as “No offense, but…,” or “I might be wrong, but….”
While these may be intended to lighten up a comment or opinion, they actually communicate to the listener that you’re not very confident about what you’re about to say or are being defensive.
Clinging to a conversation partner too long
At a party, someone may cling to one person (maybe for comfort), trailing them from place to place, lingering in their shadow, or monopolizing their attention while snubbing the rest of the group. To them it feels safe; to others it can feel awkward or needy.
Forgetting to introduce people (or be introduced)
You join a group, but don’t introduce yourself or try to link one friend to another (just assume they already know each other). Or you leave without saying goodbye to some of the hosts or other people you’ve interacted with.
It’s not like these little slights ruin anything, but they make people feel awkward or like you are being inattentive rude.
Sources: Please see here for a complete listing of all sources that were consulted in the preparation of this article.
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