10 requests that indicate your partner never truly loved you, according to psychology

While some requests may not necessarily sound cruel at first, just think a little about what they’re asking you to give up, and you’ll understand how harsh they actually are.

Quit your job because I’ll take care of you

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You might think it sounds romantic when you hear this at first. Someone telling you to quit your job because they’ll take care of you, it seems like a dream. No commute, no difficult boss, no stress about work. Nothing could be better, really.

Except yes, it totally could. Quitting your job means you’ll no longer have your own money or an easy way out if things turn bad. Agreeing to stay at home is one thing, being pushed into dependence is another. Don’t mistake this trap for something kind.

Promise you’ll never leave, no matter what I do

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Asking someone to stay with you, no matter what you do, isn’t love. It’s nothing more than a request for immunity, where you’re asking someone to promise you forgiveness before anything’s even happened. Stuff that’s normally unacceptable gets brushed over.

That’s not good. People sometimes ask for reassurance when they’re scared of abandonment, and by itself, that doesn’t make them cruel. But demanding permanent loyalty without conditions certainly does. Someone who talks like that just isn’t looking for love, in all honesty.

Could you cancel your plans? I need you tonight

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There are always going to be times when your partner needs you unexpectedly, like a family emergency or one of those bad days. Those times aren’t an issue. It’s when every single plan becomes a test of loyalty, and they expect you to drop everything for them.

They’re not directly stopping your relationships, and they’re not openly isolating you. Yet when you’re canceling one thing, then another, and then another for them, it becomes isolation. They make you feel like you need permission to see other people. That’s never right, no way.

Can you be more like you were when we first met?

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It’s a fact, people are usually on their best behavior early on in a relationship. They’ll do all sorts of things to give a good impression. That’s not to say that it’s a fake version of them or anything, it’s just not the full picture.

But it’s not okay to ask someone to go back to the old version of themselves. You’re basically telling them that you only like the easier and more polished version of them. You don’t like the real-life version that’s dealing with all kinds of other things.

Can you be more fun?

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Asking someone to be more fun doesn’t make any sense, and that’s why it’s not okay to ask. It’s so vague that you’ll never be able to succeed at being more fun, especially because it turns your whole personality into the problem.

You might be quieter than your partner, or maybe parties drain you. The reason doesn’t matter. Being treated as though you’re disappointing your partner isn’t a good feeling. In fact, it’s far from being loved.

Can you stop embarrassing me?

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Nobody likes being embarrassed. That’s a given. Someone who asks you to stop embarrassing them, however, isn’t exactly being kind to you. They’re likely making your harmless traits into something that’s apparently cringy, like your laugh or your clothes.

It doesn’t take long for them to start rolling their eyes and making little corrections whenever you’re around. You’ll feel as though you’ve got to start editing yourself before speaking, and that’s way more effort than it’s worth. Love should never feel embarrassing.

Can you keep our relationship secret?

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Let’s get one thing straight. Privacy and secrecy aren’t the same thing. It’s perfectly acceptable for a new couple to wait a little before telling their family and sharing their relationship online. It’s not acceptable when you’re going through months of hidden meetings and no introductions.

It’s not okay being given strict rules about who can know about the two of you being together. When you’re only loved behind closed doors, it seriously starts to feel like you’re not being loved at all.

Can you stop laughing like that?

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Your laugh might be a little loud, or your laugh might have a snort in there. It’s no big deal. It’s not like you’ve rehearsed your laugh before letting it out, so there’s no reason why your partner should start picking at it, like it’s something you’ve done wrong.

Asking someone to change their laughter makes them start holding back. They become way more self-conscious of everything they’re doing, and that’s really no way to live. The truth is, it makes having fun feel like something you’re doing incorrectly.

Can you try to look happier when we go out?

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It doesn’t matter that you might be annoyed or upset about something. No, it’s your face that’s ruining the evening, so your partner asks you to look happier when you’re around other people. Faking cheerfulness sometimes is okay, everyone does that.

But it’s not okay when you’re being pushed to do it because your partner wants to look good in front of others. They’re treating your actual emotions as something inconvenient. You’re clearly not okay, and that’s what they should be worried about, not their reputation.

Can you be the mature one and let this go?

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Being asked to be the mature one does seem flattering. That’s probably why the line works so well, since it makes dropping the issue seem like the smart option. Continuing the conversation is childish, supposedly.

Think about it this way, though, they’re avoiding the apology and the explanation. They don’t have to take any real responsibility for what’s happened. It’s you who’s doing the emotional cleanup, and that’s not exactly how you treat someone you love.

Sources: Please see here for a complete listing of all sources that were consulted in the preparation of this article.

13 things wives do in marriage that would be grounds for divorce if husbands did them

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A lot of women get away with things in their marriages because they’re treated as jokes or normal wife behavior, but it’d be a completely different story if the roles were reversed.

13 things wives do in marriage that would be grounds for divorce if husbands did them