10 questions that cross the line with women

Some questions sound perfectly harmless to the asker, but to the woman hearing them, they sound way too invasive and completely overstep the line.

Family plans get personal fast

It’s weird how normalized it is to ask a woman about her plans for children. Some people ask things like, ‘When are you going to have kids?’ as though that’s a perfectly simple thing to say to a woman. It’s not. Just think about what it’s actually asking. 

Decisions and experiences around pregnancy can involve things like infertility or miscarriage, as well as medical treatment, money, or relationship problems. That might not be obvious when you’re looking at a woman, sure. But asking about a woman’s choice to have or not have kids crosses the line.

Parenting gets added to the résumé

Women with children hear invasive questions, too, especially those who work as well. People will ask them, ‘How do you manage a career and children?’ without thinking about how they’d never ask a man that.

It’s not something they’d even consider. They’d just assume a father could handle it, or that he wouldn’t be involved in childcare because he’s a man. Assumptions like these are plain rude, and there’s no excuse for them. 

Makeup comes with assumptions

There’s a real problem with asking a woman, ‘Why do you wear so much makeup?’ You’re essentially suggesting that there’s a ‘correct’ amount of makeup for a woman to wear. The limit itself, well, that’s unclear.

But someone asking this doesn’t care, and they’re picking apart a woman’s attractiveness because of it. They’re casting judgment on her choices. Maybe she likes makeup, maybe she was covering a breakout, but either way, it doesn’t require an explanation.

A bare face gets noticed too

The problem goes the other way, too. A woman may decide to skip the makeup one day, and then she gets comments about her looking tired or whether she’s feeling okay. There’s also the question, ‘Why don’t you wear makeup?’ How annoying. 

It’s totally a woman’s choice whether or not she wears makeup, and there’s no good reason for someone to ask her about it. The person asking the question might think they’re being neutral, sure. But the question suggests that a woman’s natural face is somehow unfinished. 

Emotion carries an old stereotype

There’s something pretty annoying that happens at work when there’s an argument. A man gets frustrated, and he’s told that he’s ‘passionate’ about things. But a woman gets frustrated, and someone asks her, ‘Why are you being so emotional?’

It doesn’t happen all the time, of course, but the stereotype is so common that it’s really irritating for women. The truth is, women are frequently expected to be more emotional than men. Questions like these turn their emotions into a personality flaw. It’s just not right.

A private cycle becomes an explanation

You can guarantee that, right in the middle of a disagreement, someone will ask a woman, ‘Are you on your period?’ It’s not hard to see why it’s so invasive. Someone asking this question doesn’t want to deal with what a woman is actually saying.

No, they care more about her menstrual cycle. While it’s true that it can affect a woman’s mood, it’s not right to ask a woman whether she’s in the middle of hers. That’s private information. Asking a woman for details about bleeding is a way-too-personal detour from the conversation.

A smile becomes an expectation

Women often hear the statement ‘You’d look prettier if you smiled’ and the question ‘Why don’t you smile more?’ They hear it so often, in fact, that researchers have even studied the behavior as a form of street harassment. Yes, seriously.

People asking the question may think they’re helping out, like they’re giving a woman a compliment. But they’re not. You wouldn’t expect a man to walk around all day, grinning from ear to ear, so it’s not fair to expect the same from a woman. 

Reporting trauma isn’t automatic

It’s a sad fact that s***al assault is way too common, and many women are survivors of it. But some people think it’s acceptable to ask a survivor, ‘Why didn’t you report it?’ This sort of question acts as though reporting assault is a simple step that obviously follows the event.

It doesn’t. The reality is that many assaults never get reported to the police because of things like fear or shame, even concerns about not being believed. A woman shouldn’t feel pressured to report a trauma, simple as that.

Marriage doesn’t mean asking permission

Anytime that a woman mentions going on a solo trip or a late night with friends, people ask questions. They’ll say something like, ‘Does your husband let you do that?’ It’s a pretty loaded question, although the person asking it may not realize that.

Married couples talk through big decisions, of course they do, but that’s very different from needing permission to do something. Newsflash, women are their own beings. They can do what they want, within reason, without having to ask their partners for permission.

Age gets attached to everyday choices

Perhaps she bought concert tickets, or perhaps she dyed her hair pink. The action itself doesn’t matter, but the question, ‘Aren’t you getting a little old for that?’ does. There’s no official age limit on the majority of activities.

Still, some people think it’s okay to act like there is one, and they force a woman’s choice into something that she has to defend. There’s no reason to ever do that, really.

Sources: Please see here for a complete listing of all sources that were consulted in the preparation of this article.

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