Being right isn’t everything; here are seven phrases you can use to gracefully exit any argument.
“I hear what you’re saying, but my experience has just been different”
Don’t deny someone’s statement or call them a liar. Simply agree that their perspective is one that exists, but that your experience simply tells you otherwise.
It’s subtle, but you’re taking a stand without being attacking. By using “experience” instead of “truth,” you aren’t opening the door for argument. Two sides can co-exist without having to battle it out.
“I didn’t realize this bothered you so much, thank you for telling me”
Fights happen when someone feels unheard or unappreciated for a period of time. Simply saying that you’re sorry and you understand immediately diffuses the other person.
It shows that you care about their feelings, which is most likely what they wanted to hear the entire time. And with this approach, a rough disagreement can become a true bonding experience where respect is shared.
“You might be right, let me think about that”
They show up wanting to fight, and you respond with authentic consideration. Suddenly their anger is deflated before it’s had a chance to escalate.
You’re not agreeing with them or conceding the battle by saying they’re totally right, but you are agreeing that they may be right. And this grants you both a chance to pause and collect yourselves, rather than needing to prove who’s correct.
“It feels like we actually agree on the big stuff, we’re just stuck on the details”
Arguments often turn bad because someone is focusing too hard on proving that they’re right about one tiny aspect. It’s easy to overlook that they likely want the same outcome.
Calling attention to the end goal reminds your conversational partner that you’re both on the same side. You’re not enemies trying to tear each other down.
When you both realize that, you instantly defuse the tension and can focus on problem solving as a team.
“I care more about our relationship than being right about this”
Escalating an argument by proving your point only hurts your relationship. Saying this phrase instantly diffuses that: you’re showing that your relationship with this person matters more to you than your ego.
It helps the other person realize that this momentary argument isn’t worth hurting trust, respect, or their friendship. Someone almost cannot hear you say this and remain mad/focused on winning the argument.
“Help me understand why this part is so important to you”
It can be tempting to lecture someone about why they are wrong. Don’t. Instead, ask them to clarify where they’re coming from.
This melts away defensiveness because it flips the conversation from an argument to someone who cares listening.
Once people feel listened to they don’t feel like having to defend themselves. Most times the issue really isn’t what you two were arguing about in the first place.
Dig deeper and you will find something else that is stressing them out.
“Neither of us is going to convince the other today, and that’s okay”
Occasionally, the best thing you can say during an argument is that you aren’t going to win it. Intelligent people know when a debate isn’t going anywhere.
Statements like these let off some steam. They allow both parties to understand that someone having an opinion different from yours doesn’t mean they’re wrong, and there’s no need to make it personal.
You can be friends with someone and still not see eye-to-eye on everything.
“I don’t think either of us is in the right mood to fix this right now”
You know how it is when you’re trying to sort out something difficult, and one of you is hungry, tired, or keyed up? Yeah, they don’t usually go too well.
What if, though, the best thing to say is that you’re both too emotionally exhausted to get anywhere useful? “I don’t think either of us is in the right mood for this right now,” removes any fault from the situation.
You’re not saying the other person is too sensitive or mad. You’re acknowledging that you both are too wrapped up in something else to really think clearly.
“What would a fair solution look like to you?”
You know the arguments you have that never seem to end? The ones that get louder and louder and more frustrating as you continually circle around the problem? Whenever I’m facing that sort of standstill, I prefer to ask this.
It forces them to think about what they actually want instead of what they don’t want. Sometimes they’ll actually come up with something reasonable and fair, and suddenly you have a compromise. Other times they’ll realize that they have no idea what they want either.
In either scenario, this approach can put a stop to the circular arguments about minor issues and shift the focus to a real fix.
“Let’s take five minutes to cool off and talk about this when we’re calm”
Arguments are almost never improved by shouting. When tempers start to flare, the best course of action is to take a time out–right then and there.
However, instead of leaving it open-ended, propose a specific amount of time to cool down. This prevents the time out from feeling like you’re running away or giving the silent treatment.
Allow each other some private time to calm down and think through your feelings. You’ll be amazed how much easier it is to work through things quickly and lovingly once you’ve both cooled off.
Sources: Please see here for a complete listing of all sources that were consulted in the preparation of this article.
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