When you leave religion, it rarely is about God or truth; it’s about how scary it is to lose your rituals, your support network, and your black and whites.
Lost language
Leaving your religious community can be scary because you might lose that shared lingo for discussing right and wrong with those close to you.
Many people fear that they will never be able to quickly reference a verse or dogma when their mother or childhood friend asks them “why?”
They worry about becoming permanently misunderstood by their loved ones because they can’t explain their morals in a language that will be heard.
Plus, there’s a worry that once they leave, they will appear to lack any firm principles, even though their personal moral compass is as strong as ever.
Unwritten moments
Being religious offers a certain ease, as life’s significant milestones come with pre-assigned ceremonies and even details like how long a body might rest in a casket.
The alternative of having to design some new, secular experience for every big life event your family experiences can make you sweat.
Folks worry about having to figure out how to mourn or rejoice by themselves, because ditching the spiritual crutch for these big moments feels incredibly isolating.
Final doubt
Did you leave behind the only church that knows the key?
Your church is indeed a man-made thing, but what if they’re the ones guarding the universe’s secret, a secret you haven’t grasped yet?
That 10% of uncertainty tells you that you could be leaving behind the only group of people that will prevent you from burning in Hell. And it feels like you’re leaving behind the only group that has the “greater knowledge.”
What if you’re the first person in your family silly enough to turn down the divine safety net?
Purpose
Churches often provide people with all kinds of opportunities to keep themselves constantly busy doing charity work, mission trips, organizing community events, etc.
There is always a place for you to fit in and a reason you’re needed at church. And the thought of losing that is frightening.
Imagine the sudden depression that comes with crippling boredom. Where will you find a cause to fight for? Where will you get all your volunteer work from? Now you have to source it all yourself, which can be incredibly intimidating.
People hang around because they’re afraid that without the congregation’s gentle push, they simply won’t bother to find their own way to do good for the world.
Ancestral weight
If you come from a very religious family tree, leaving your faith is like leaving behind every single ancestor who passed down that religion to you.
What if stopping practice means you’re breaking a chain of hundreds of years and you’re the failure? Guilt.
You feel as if you’re directly insulting your grandparents and every generation before them by saying their sacrifices were for nothing, that you didn’t need to continue it. It’s the idea of being a traitor to your own blood.
The Warning story
Church folks love to point to those who leave as an example of what happens when someone becomes worldly or allows themselves to get hardened.
Folks fear leaving because they simply can’t deal with being the target of prayers asking God to heal their soul while simultaneously being used as flesh gripping illustrations in Sunday sermons.
They fear losing their good name and how the church will twist their particular brand of struggle as God punishing them for their poor decisions and lack of faith.
It’s scary to think you’ll lose autonomy over your story, and become someone’s Bible villain instead.
Vanished backup
When a crisis strikes a religious person you know, like a house fire, losing a job, or facing funeral costs, many volunteers will immediately put aside their own concerns to offer meals and financial assistance.
Secular society does not provide that kind of built-in safety net. Whenever you say you’re leaving religion, you’re willingly resigning yourself from a global community of instant relatives who are religiously mandated to support your family.
Skeptics scare themselves thinking nobody in the outside world will care enough to help you shoulder life’s burdens because they just don’t share your skin in the “brotherhood.” It’s a fear rooted in logic; our world is unpredictable, and it can be scary to think you’ll face it all alone.
No compass
Decades of being force-fed specific interpretations of history, science, and philosophy leave you completely directionless when suddenly there are no limits.
Most people lack the education to think for themselves in a world of limitless options and dangerous sounding information without some sort of trusted voice telling them what is evil or what is truth.
Basically, “decision fatigue” from too many options scares people into thinking that life without religion leaves you adrift in the middle of the ocean without a map.
No higher witness
Knowing that a higher power is aware of your private sorrow and assures you that it ultimately holds significance, is a great comfort during difficult times.
Atheists have instilled a fear that your personal struggles will be perceived as random and consequently devoid of meaning. According to them, you won’t find a celestial scorekeeper for your woes, ensuring you get your due on Judgement Day.
Can you truly cope with existence if you know that your deepest pain goes unheard, your soul’s plea for meaning unanswered?
Empty self
Let’s face it. Religion controls how you dress, what you eat, and who you associate with. When you abandon it all, it feels like you are deleting yourself.
Many are afraid of what comes after: How will you fill out the census without that defining identity? How will you explain yourself to others in a quick, digestible way?
De-personalization freaks people out. When religion stops providing direction, they struggle to identify their own likes, thoughts, or wants.
Sources: Please see here for a complete listing of all sources that were consulted in the preparation of this article.
