You need to keep these 10 things to yourself, psychologists say

It doesn’t matter how incredibly important some thoughts appear at 1 a.m., because psychologists keep warning us that not every feeling needs to be heard immediately.

Repeating critiques

We’ve all got one criticism that never leaves our brains. Maybe it was from a teacher. It could be from a parent who doesn’t remember saying it. We keep them in our brains. We tell other people about them.

You’re making those old insults permanent when you repeat them. We can’t let them go. We’ve told someone else about them, and it makes the criticisms truer than they were before. Stop telling other people about your apparent flaws.

The secret scoreboard

Some people are chasing a specific kind of facial expression from someone else. They’re motivated to prove someone wrong, especially someone who previously rejected or embarrassed them. That final ‘I told you so’ moment is what they live for.

They tell everyone about wanting to prove someone wrong. You shouldn’t do this. 

Talking about wanting to prove someone wrong makes you emotionally attached. You’re connecting yourself to the person who doubted you and each of your achievements is made about them. 

The check-in

There’s a strange moment. It’s when somebody replies ‘ok’ instead of ‘Okay, sure.’ Your brain starts preparing for rejection. Yes, it’s a kind of reassurance-seeking that starts with re-reading messages and asking whether someone’s upset three different ways. Quit that.

Psychologists say constant reassurance-seeking causes anxiety. Why? Because you’re only relieved for about fourteen seconds. Then the doubt starts again. Eventually, people stop answering you honestly and start answering strategically. They just want to calm you down.

The money spiral

Money stress hijacks conversations. Even the conversations that had nothing to do with money are now centered around it. Sure, it’s natural. We’re all going through financial problems. But psychologists say we should separate practical honesty from emotional dumping.

It’s okay to say you’re trying to save money. It’s not okay to give someone a twenty-minute speech about how a dental appointment’s going to financially ruin you. You’re completely ruining the atmosphere. Keep it to yourself.

The silent grudge

Resentment’s practically silent. You won’t even notice it at first because it comes in so subtly. Yes, you’ll begin by complaining about how somebody chews. You’ll say something about how annoying they sound. Then, it becomes a rant on how much you can’t stand them whatsoever.

Blurting out your complaints could backfire. Resentment grows from repetition. 

The exit map

People talk about their exits way too early now, and they’ll talk about starting fresh just after one bad week at work. They’ll say they’re moving to a cabin in Montana. But then rent’s due three days later. The cabin dreams disappear.

That’s why psychologists say you should sit with your major decisions privately before making them public. Once you start talking, other people start sharing. They’ll share their opinions. They’ll expect you to give them updates and answer their questions. Silence buys you time.

The empty seat

When people are hurting, loneliness gets pretty specific. Maybe too specific. No, you stop saying that you’re feeling isolated, and you start confessing about how alone you feel every single second of every day.

You’ve got to stop replaying your social pain. That’s only going to deepen it.

Yes, there’s a difference between reaching out and rehearsing every painful, lonely moment. It’s safer to be shorter. It’s safer to be simpler. Plus, you’re not going to feel as humiliated about it later.

The half-formed answer

There are those who love announcing emotional conclusions. They’ve not even finished processing. However, they’ll talk about being completely done with someone before texting them a few hours later. They insist they’ve moved on. They’re still checking their Instagram.

Our brains hate uncertainty, so they rush towards making big conclusions. Certainty feels safer. We announce it to people. But emotions change pretty quickly. You don’t need to announce every temporary feeling like it’s a final decision.

The hot second

Jealousy’s probably one of the fastest emotions. It comes in half a second after one compliment or one Instagram story. Now, your brain starts writing a story. It’s natural. But that doesn’t make it right.

Keep your jealousy to yourself when that emotion’s still peaking. The first version of jealousy is hardly the smartest version, after all. You’re better off saying less. It’ll prevent you from creating problems that didn’t exist twenty minutes before.

The comparison trap

We’ve all got them. Those embarrassing comparisons we’d rather take to the grave, the ones that show up out of nowhere. We make them without thinking. But talking too much about them puts your brain into scan mode.

Now, you stop noticing your actual life. You look for proof that someone has better skin, that they have nicer vacations, that they have a cleaner house. Keep it to yourself.

Sources: Please see here for a complete listing of all sources that were consulted in the preparation of this article.