Attraction has a lot less to do with adding something new and a lot more to do with dropping certain habits to make yourself appear like someone easier to like or trust.
Let the résumé stay at work
Turns out, nobody needs a salary report over appetizers, and the same goes for job titles. Many women wish guys would stop bragging about their achievements. Success can absolutely be attractive, of course, but constantly advertising it makes it feel less so.
It’s better for those details to come out naturally. A woman will notice a guy’s doing well without hearing the quarterly earnings call for his business over tacos. That’s just exhausting. It’s certainly not attractive.
Drop the disappearing act
One major thing to avoid comes after the date. It’s when she texts him about the date, and he sees it immediately, but he decides to wait until tomorrow to respond. He believes that replying tonight might look ‘too eager.’ How boring.
A lot of women think playing hard to get makes a guy look unattractive, especially since there’s nothing magical about it. Trying to act indifferent when you’re not doesn’t look cool. Be upfront and say whether you want to see her again. That kind of honesty is pretty refreshing, really.
Sometimes she just wants the story heard
A woman might talk about how bad her day has been. She’s not exactly looking for a solution, just some sympathy for her problems, but he doesn’t get that. No, he’s already developed a four-step management plan. That’s not a good idea.
Turns out, listening is a lot more useful than immediately fixing whatever problem she brings up. It’s only worth giving a solution when, well, she’s asked for one. Guys are more attractive when they ask follow-up questions instead of trying to fix the problem.
Retire the permanent poker face
Emotional control is important. Of course it is. But what’s more important is accepting your emotions, instead of pretending nothing ever bothers you. Guys who act like nothing bothers them make conversations feel so flat.
They don’t need to narrate every feeling and openly describe every single fleeting emotion. No, women would just like it if a guy would admit that something hurt or worried them. They’d like to hear what embarrassed a guy once in a while because it makes him easier to know.
Stop policing every nice gesture
Just because a guy orders flowers doesn’t mean he’s going through a personality crisis. Cooking dinner for a woman and holding her bag for thirty seconds isn’t a threat to his masculinity, either. Not all guys see it that way, though.
They’ll treat ordinary thoughtfulness as though it’s a test of their manhood, and that stops them from showing any kind of basic kindness. Women hate that. A lot of them see kindness as an attractive trait, and as one of the most important things they’re looking for in a long-term partner.
Let the awkward five seconds happen
Dates sure can be awkward sometimes, especially when they’re first dates. What a guy does during those moments matters. Some of them feel like they have to rescue every tiny uncomfortable moment, and that actually makes the situation stranger.
Women care about authenticity. They’re not as into guys who feel like they have to perform confidence and seem unable to allow the awkward moment to happen. Those guys are no fun to be around.
Don’t turn compliments into a recurring vote
Asking whether you’re handsome is okay one time. It’s even kind of harmless. But asking three more times in different forms makes it feel like homework, and women don’t like that. They think it’s unattractive when guys keep fishing for reassurance about their looks.
It’s a kind of insecurity, after all. Needing a compliment refresh every few hours gets boring, and if she says she likes his face or his clothes, he should accept it. Say thank you, and leave it at that.
Give the calendar a day off
We all know that guy who keeps mentioning his packed schedule before the drinks arrive. He brings it up again during dinner, and then he says it once more while checking his phone. That’s not appealing.
Guys who treat busyness like a status symbol seem like they have their priorities all wrong. All they care about is ambition and importance. Those are important, of course, but he shouldn’t make a date feel like it’s something beneath him because he’s oh-so-busy.
Order the drink he actually likes
There’s no shame in liking things that seem feminine, although not every guy understands that. He’ll pretend to hate scented candles and avoid his favorite drink because it has fruit on it. He can’t stand feminine things.
No matter how grown he might be, this sort of attitude makes him seem childish, and women aren’t interested in that. They don’t want to babysit someone, after all. So, they’re often turned off by guys who act like they hate femininity because, really, it’s not that serious.
Let the numbers wait until someone asks
You didn’t bring any of these up. Still, some guys are determined to let you know their height and salary, as well as how much they can bench press and the square footage of their apartment. All those numbers are too much.
Dropping these details unprompted into a conversation just sounds silly. Women aren’t necessarily looking for a guy with certain numbers, but they are looking for a guy who’s kind. They want a guy who’s intelligent. You can’t always measure those numerically.
Leave the other guy out of the sales pitch
There’s really no need for a guy to explain to a woman that, actually, her ex looked weak. There’s no reason he should be talking about how the guy at the next table clearly skips leg day. It really just makes him look insecure.
Yes, a guy who keeps putting down other men looks like he’s unsure about himself. It comes off as an attempt to create contrast. You know, he’s worse, so therefore I’m better. Women want funny guys, but they don’t want guys who need to keep showing how much better they are.
Stop making yourself the punch line every five minutes
There comes a point when making jokes about yourself stops sounding funny. It starts sounding like you’re begging for compliments. A joke about his awful cooking becomes a rant about how he’s ugly and useless. It’s pretty tiring.
Women don’t want to spend their date night reassuring a guy about his insecurities. That’s just boring. Self-deprecating humor is a lot better in small doses anyway, and it’s perfectly fine for a guy to leave a few of his issues off the menu.
Sources: Please see here for a complete listing of all sources that were consulted in the preparation of this article.
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