When things don’t go as planned, narcissists usually have some rather intense reactions—they hate not getting their way! Their behaviors are quite specific and sometimes a bit surprising, regardless of whether you’re dealing with a friend, a coworker, or a family member who fits this description. It’s quite helpful to know what to expect from a narcissist and here are eleven ways a narcissist might respond when things don’t go their way. Just because someone reacts in this way doesn’t make them a narcissist, but it does make them a questionable person!
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Immediate Blame-Shifting
They waste no time pointing fingers at someone else because owning up to mistakes isn’t their style, so don’t be surprised to hear about a coworker who “messed everything up” or a friend who “gave bad advice.” A narcissist will find someone to hold responsible so they don’t have to take any blame and they might even twist the story to make it seem like they’re the one who was wronged. In doing so, they avoid any critique directed at themselves, which helps them preserve their own image—no matter who they have to throw under the bus.
Playing the Victim
Likewise, narcissists cast themselves as the one who’s been wronged and they’ll tell anyone who’ll listen how unfairly they’ve been treated, which is a way for them to gain sympathy. They’re trying to make others feel sorry for them instead of addressing the problem and they’ll do this by exaggerating details or even making up stories to make themselves look innocent! The goal is to paint themselves as the victim to manipulate emotions & get people on their side.
Exaggerated Outbursts
Their reactions are often over the top and out of proportion to the situation—they usually yell loudly and throw things because they’re trying to make a big scene to show just how upset they are. They might even resort to dramatic gestures, like storming out of a room or making grand statements, but they’re not simply venting frustration. No, they’re trying to dominate the situation and intimidate others so that they’re able to reassert control.
Silent Treatment
Communication comes to a sudden halt with a narcissist and they’ll use silence as a weapon to punish others & regain a sense of control over the situation. Rather than simply being quiet, it’s a deliberate tactic to make others feel uneasy because cutting off communication makes you second-guess what’s wrong. It pushes you to make the first move—it’s a narcissist’s way of reclaiming their power without saying a word!
Undermining Others
They’ll start putting others down or sabotaging their efforts as a way to elevate themselves and destroy any apparent threats to their ego. This could involve spreading rumors and criticizing your work—even making snide comments disguised as “jokes” is acceptable for a narcissist. Such behavior chips away at other people’s confidence to make them feel inferior, which, in turn, makes a narcissist feel superior.
Huge Promises
Suddenly, they’re boasting about big plans & future successes that seem a bit unrealistic—it’s how they distract themselves from their current problems to feel a sense of importance again. The goal for them is to focus on how great they’ll be in the future by making claims about how they’re about to land a huge deal or write a best-selling book. They’re trying to impress others and divert attention from any failures they’re facing now, which will keep others invested in them.
Manipulative Charm
Don’t be surprised when a narcissist turns on the charm to win people over—just be aware that this sudden friendliness isn’t genuine but rather a tool to gain allies. They’re trying to secure the admiration they crave & they’re sweet as pie when it serves their purpose! A narcissist will give you all sorts of attention by complimenting you or showing interest in your life all of a sudden. But this newfound attention is often short-lived and once they feel back in control, the charm disappears just as quickly as it arrived.
Gaslighting
Twisting the truth is easy for them so they’ll deny facts or events to make others question their own memories, which helps them change the situation to fit their version of the story. They might say things like, “That never happened,” or “You’re remembering it wrong”—even when the evidence is clear, as gaslighting allows them to confuse others. Narcissists try their hardest to maintain control and avoid any sense of accountability for their actions.
Seeking Alternative Validation
When they don’t get the attention they want, narcissists will look elsewhere & this could involve talking to strangers or using other relationships to fulfill their need for admiration. They’re always on the hunt for someone to stroke their ego, so they’ll do anything to be the center of attention again! A narcissist is desperate to have an audience that appreciates them, and they’ll look anywhere to get the praise they’re missing.
Dramatic Exit
Likewise, they’ll suddenly leave a situation or relationship as a way to assert control and make everyone feel unsettled—it’s a grand gesture that’s meant to make a lasting impact. For example, they’ll quit a job without notice or end a friendship abruptly, perhaps even walk out of a meeting in a huff. Narcissists make dramatic exits to catch everyone else off guard & keep them thinking about the narcissist so they stop dealing with issues & maintain a sense of power.
Refusal to Compromise
Narcissists dig in their heels and won’t consider any solutions that aren’t exactly what they want because compromise just isn’t in their vocabulary. It’s their way or the highway, regardless of what other people need or even what they suggest, so they’ll dismiss other ideas without a second thought. They have a real stubbornness that stalls progress and strains relationships, and by refusing to budge, they maintain control to make sure everything fits with their desires.
Disclaimer: This list is solely the author’s opinion based on research and publicly available information.
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