18 things people say that may come off as dismissive

I know people have good intentions, or at least don’t intend to be hurtful, but the way that they word things just makes you feel brushed off, unseen, or like your feelings are invalid.

Their comments aren’t always harsh or aggressive. In fact, some of them are downright polite-sounding. But there’s a passive-aggressive undertone that sends a message of “I’m not really hearing you” or “I don’t think this is important.” After a while, hearing things like this can make you go silent or make you think you’re being overly sensitive.

Here are 18 things people say that might seem harmless but often land as dismissive.

Featured Image Credit: Shutterstock.

You’re Overthinking It

Intense pressured cute girl in trendy yellow t-shirt, frowning, holding fingers on temples, trying focused or think, facing tough problem, searching solutions or trying recall information — *Image Credit: Shutterstock.*

It’s usually said with a smile, but it can come off as, “Stop thinking so much, your feelings aren’t valid.” Sometimes people just want to talk through something without being told to shut it down. Not every thought needs to be labeled as too much.

I’m Sure It’ll Work Itself Out

Mindful, peaceful woman meditates indoor, keeps hands in mudra gesture, has eyes closed, tries to relax after long hours of working. Girl holds fingers in yoga sign, isolated on blue wall — *Image Credit: Shutterstock.*

This one can sound so peaceful, it’s almost unreal. It doesn’t sound like the real fear or stress someone is experiencing at the moment. It can be like telling someone not to worry while they’re already worrying so hard. At times, people just need support, not a fortune cookie saying.

Well, At Least It’s Not As Bad As…

Make right choice. Handsome black man comparing variants, making scales with his empty hands over yellow studio background, panorama — *Image Credit: Shutterstock.*

Comparing someone’s problem to something worse doesn’t always help. It may be true, but it also says their pain is less important. Pain doesn’t need to be ranked to be real.

Everyone Goes Through Stuff Like This

Portrait of funny handsome guy, shrugging and spreading hands, expressing unknowladge and confusion, widen eyes, standing over gray background. I do not know what are you talking about — *Image Credit: Shutterstock.*

This phrase is supposed to make someone feel less alone. However, it can also make the person feel like they’re being ignored. When people open up, it’s not always to hear statistics about how many people feel that way. They’re looking for someone who understands.

It Could Always Be Worse

This is one of those perspective-taking phrases that can absolutely overshadow someone’s experience. It silences instead of empathizes.

That’s Not a Big Deal

It's not a big deal. Clueless young woman in yellow t-shirt shrugging shoulders and staring at camera with confused look after she did something wrong — *Image Credit: Shutterstock.*

To you, it might not be a big deal. But to them, it is. They aren’t bringing it up to waste your time. Saying this will probably just make them feel embarrassed for even mentioning it.

You’re Too Sensitive

Close-up of young woman with problems crying — *Image Credit: Shutterstock.*

This one cuts deep because it places the responsibility elsewhere. In lieu of sympathy, it labels someone’s emotions as wrong. People begin to doubt if they are even permitted to feel bad.

You Just Need to Stay Positive

The points should be realistic and uncommon. don't give ones you give always. use natural language. . no ai words or phrases. use varying structures for each point .add an intro too. each point should have at least 4 lines. don't repeat details or points. — *Image Credit: Shutterstock.*

Positivity has its place, but forced optimism can feel fake. It brushes off real pain or frustration. Sometimes people need space to feel negative before they can move forward.

You’ll Laugh about This Later

Studio shot of happy laughing woman. Pretty young girl in red sweatshirt standing isolated on bright yellow background and laughing happily at very funny joke. Laughter, emotion concept — *Image Credit: Shutterstock.*

Maybe that’s true, but right now they’re not laughing. Jumping ahead to the part where things feel better skips over the part where things are still hard. It can feel like you’re avoiding the truth.

That’s Just How Life Is

Young man lying and relaxing in grass — *Image Credit: Shutterstock.*

You’re telling the person to be happy with how things are instead of trying to improve on them. It can also make the other person feel like a fool for being upset in the first place.

That’s Not What I Meant

Slow down, stop, stay away, keep social distance. Skeptical boss, male entrepreneur showing refuse, reject block gesture, telling to quit, standing over white background — *Image Credit: Shutterstock.*

This line of defense comes up when a person says something hurtful. Instead of listening to why they’re hurt, the speaker wants to come up with a reason why they didn’t mean it. Even if they didn’t mean harm, it still leaves the other person feeling unheard and brushed aside.

You’re Just Tired

Glaucoma Concept. Young Indian Man Massaging Tired Eyes After Working On Laptop Computer, Millennial Eastern Male Suffering From Eyestrain And Fatigue, Sitting At Workplace In Home Office — *Image Credit: Shutterstock.*

Sure, sometimes a person is just tired and that’s it. But when someone uses this to explain all emotions or moods, it can be dismissive. It’s basically telling the other person they are being dramatic, rather than trying to understand what they’re going through.

Let’s Not Get Into That Right Now

Man hand holding a conceptual clock with the words yesterday, now and tomorrow. Concept of time management or living in the present moment. Composite image between a photography and a 3D background. — *Image Credit: Shutterstock.*

This can happen when a situation becomes awkward. But it can make the other person feel rejected or overwhelmed. Timing is important, but so is respecting what a person is sharing.

It’s Probably Just in Your Head

Close up of sad pensive millennial woman sit alone thinking about relationships personal problems, upset thoughtful young female lost in thoughts feel lonely depressed pondering or mourning at home — *Image Credit: Shutterstock.*

Telling them it’s in their head doesn’t make it disappear. It only adds shame to something they can’t easily explain.

You Always Make a Big Deal Out of Things

Well no big deal. Attractive silly redhead hipster girl wearing glasses smiling awkward unaware spread hands sideways shrugging confused grinning questioned uncertain what tell, orange background — *Image Credit: Shutterstock.*

These kinds of sweeping comments make people defensive. It doesn’t solve the issue. It just makes someone feel like their emotions are always a problem.

This Isn’t About You

No. Young serious and confident asian woman showing stop, one finger gesture, taboo sign, standing over white background — *Image Credit: Shutterstock.*

This is true, but also sounds incredibly cold. It also makes the other person feel like an idiot for even thinking they were relevant to the situation. There are better ways to communicate that boundary.

I Don’t Have Time for This

Hand, watch and time with business person for travel schedule, meeting appointment and running late. Professional, man and check clock for notification, interview reminder and commute of morning taxi — *Image Credit: Shutterstock.*

This one is harsh, and it’s painful to hear. Even if the reason is time and not feelings, it sounds like you don’t care. It also ends the conversation with a sense of finality that feels cold and closed-off.

Let’s Not Be Dramatic

A handsome man and a woman rehearsing on a stage. — *Image Credit: Shutterstock.*

This shuts people down faster than almost anything else. It makes it seem like they’re overreacting, when really they’re just being honest. Being told your feelings are wrong never feels good.

Disclaimer: This list is solely the author’s opinion based on research and publicly available information.

Like our content? Be sure to follow us.