The Great Hygiene Debate – Separate Beds or Shared Dreams?

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In the intricate landscape of relationships, where emotions and habits often collide, one recent social media post ignited a passionate discussion that delved into the core of marital life. The central question revolved around a wife, in the throes of postpartum motherhood, who found herself wrestling with a conundrum: was she out of line for insisting that her husband take a second shower before sharing their marital bed?

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A Germophobe Mother

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The original poster (OP), a 31-year-old woman, depicted herself as a young mother grappling with keeping her four month old child away from germs. OP’s husband, 43 years of age, held a stable job as a chemist in the sweltering climes of Florida.

The husband’s daily shower routine became a focal point of contention within their relationship. Each morning, he partook in a cleansing ritual, preparing himself for the day ahead. Despite his relatively sedentary role as a manager, his job occasionally entailed brief outdoor forays and continuous interactions with colleagues.

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder

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It was the dynamics of their shared sleeping space that catalyzed this conundrum. OP, grappling with Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder (OCPD), harbored unwavering concerns about her husband’s cleanliness.

OP firmly believed that a single shower in the morning couldn’t suffice for a whole day’s worth of activities. Her anxieties were further exacerbated by the presence of their baby, whom she occasionally placed on their bed while attending to daily chores like folding laundry.

An Ultimatum Is Issued

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To OP, the sight of her husband reclining on the bed after a day’s work, still cloaked in the day’s perspiration and impurities, seemed disgusting. OP vocalized her discomfort and the fear of her baby being exposed to this perceived uncleanliness. Despite several pleas, her husband refused to shower again after returning home from work.

In the end, OP delivered an ultimatum, suggesting that her husband take up residence in the guest room, separate from their shared bed.

Later, OP took her plea to the online community asking whether she is wrong in this situation.

Online Opinions

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The responses from social media users were as diverse as the Florida climate, covering a broad spectrum of opinions.

User GreekAmericanDom, in a straightforward manner, dismissed the notion that the husband’s showering habits were problematic. The user explained that a morning shower followed by washing hands upon returning home and after using the bathroom should suffice.

From this perspective, it was a “you problem” rather than a problem with the husband’s hygiene.

BurritoBowlw_guac, with a touch of pragmatism, questioned OP’s demands.

“He has a desk job, he isn’t digging ditches for a living and you demanding that he either shower for the second time in a day when he doesn’t feel like he needs it, or sleep in the guestroom is unreasonable. If you’re uncomfortable laying your baby down on the bed, then first throw a clean blanket down or put the baby in their bassinet.”

More Support For The Husband

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Thirdtryisthecharm entered the discussion by emphasizing the subjectivity of the matter. The user noted that OP was imposing her personal preferences about shower frequency on her husband, emphasizing that one shower a day should suffice, provided he feels comfortable and appears visibly clean. This viewpoint supported the husband’s stance, which was aligned with many of our online participants.

AvgHeight510, in a balanced response, highlighted the potential consequences of multiple showers per day. Noting OP’s OCD, they warned that such a regimen could result in skin and hair problems, leading to different issues to grapple with. They offered a pragmatic perspective, seeking to strike a balance between hygiene and overall well-being.

Gghaxx, the final commenter, delivered a succinct but powerful message that resonated with many.

“No one should be calling their partner disgusting.”

Their comment emphasized the importance of respectful communication within relationships.

The Verdict

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OP’s story presents a complex dilemma stemming from her postpartum anxieties and Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder.

OP’s concerns about her husband’s hygiene and its impact on their shared bed, where their infant occasionally rests, reflect a genuine worry for her child’s well-being. The commenters, however, present a diverse spectrum of opinions. While some empathize with her due to her condition, others view her demands as excessive and controlling.

Overall, the verdict underscores the importance of striking a balance between individual quirks and the dynamics of a healthy relationship, necessitating open communication and empathy to resolve such disputes successfully.

What do you think? Let us know in the comments. Do you think the OP from this social media post was wrong?

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Annika Stepanov

Annika is passionate about personal finance and travel, pouring her extensive experience into her writing on these topics. She has a diploma in Creative English Writing and has been working in the industry since 2016.