We’ve all experienced those times at work where things just feel…off, but you can’t quite explain why. You’re told one thing, then later it’s denied—you follow directions, only to be told you misunderstood. If this keeps happening, your boss might be gaslighting you without you actually realizing they’re doing it. Here are thirteen things that could mean your boss is gaslighting you, even if it doesn’t feel obvious yet.
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They Pretend Not to Understand Basic Things You’ve Said Before
You might explain something clearly in a meeting or email, like how you’re handling a project or which client you’re contacting, yet your boss still acts confused later. They’ll say things like, “Wait, what are you talking about?” or “I don’t think we ever discussed that,” despite the fact that you’ve definitely talked about it, probably more than once. When this keeps happening, it makes you feel like you’re not making sense and you may start overexplaining things.
They Ask for Updates on Tasks They Told You Not to Do
Your boss may tell you to put a task on hold or stop working on something altogether—then, out of nowhere, they ask you why that task hasn’t been done. You may try to remind them they told you to stop, but they look at you like you misunderstood or just forgot, with no apology or clarification. Over time, this creates a weird cycle where you’re constantly wondering if they’ll randomly change their mind after giving you clear directions.
They Copy You on Emails You Don’t Need to Be On
Suddenly, you’re CC’d on threads that have nothing to do with your work and the emails are vague or slightly critical, but don’t include any action items for you. You weren’t part of the original discussion & no one explains why you’re added, which isn’t because they’re trying to keep you in the loop. Instead, it feels more like you’re being watched and it happens just enough to keep you on edge.
They Rewrite Shared Documents Without Telling You
Any shared files you’re working on—be it a doc, a spreadsheet, maybe a team slide deck—are secretly edited by your boss. Then, in a meeting, they point out a mistake and imply you were the one who made it, even though you didn’t. Unfortunately, they don’t have a version history to show you and they talk about the problems as if it’s your responsibility, since there’s no way to prove it wasn’t you. It makes you feel like you’re always on the back foot.
They Praise You in Public, But Not in Private
In a team call, your boss says you handled your project well and thanks you for the extra effort, but they don’t do the same in a one-on-one meeting. They’ll tell you it was sloppy or didn’t meet expectations, with no clear explanation for the switch—just two totally different reactions. It makes you wonder which one was real and you’re confused about what they actually think of your performance & what they expect from you going forward.
They Give You Impossible Deadlines
Your boss tells you to finish a big task that usually takes a week, yet now it’s due in two days, and even when you ask for more time, they say it’s not possible—it has to be done now. You work late & skip breaks and when you submit it, they act confused that you didn’t do more or say, “Oh, that wasn’t urgent.” When you bring it up, they deny saying anything about urgency and you start feeling like you’re always scrambling.
They Act Like Your Feelings Are Unprofessional
It’s natural to get upset about a missed promotion or mixed signals, but your boss says you’re being too sensitive—or worse, that you need to be more professional. Yet when you’re emotional about something unrelated, like a difficult project, they’re suddenly very understanding, with the only difference being that your feelings aren’t about them. This happens more when you try to give feedback or bring up a problem.
They Tell You Something in Person, Then Deny It Later
While your boss gives you instructions in a conversation, they don’t follow up in writing—later, they’ll act like the conversation never happened, when you act on those instructions. They might even claim you misunderstood them, unless you have their words in writing. Soon enough, you feel like you need to document every tiny thing.
They Give You Praise for “Improving” When You Haven’t Changed
You submit a piece of work exactly the same way you’ve been doing it for months, but this time, your boss says, “Thanks for finally taking feedback,” or “Much better than last time.” You didn’t do anything differently, so it’s quite confusing since they’re complimenting you, yet also implying that what you were doing before wasn’t good. They didn’t even mention it at the time and you’re unsure about whether they just made up the issue in the first place.
They Give Vague Gossip With No Names
One day, you’re doing your work and your boss suddenly drops a weird comment like, “People have raised concerns about your attitude.” Who exactly? There’s no answer. What concerns? Just a shrug. There’s never a name or a detail—it’s just always “someone” or “some people,” which means you’re forced to figure out what happened or if anything even did. Their words are less like feedback and more like a giant question mark that messes with your head.
You’re Given Vague Tasks With No Clarity
You’re told to “take care of it” or “handle that file,” and that’s literally all the info you get, with no deadline or goal or even an idea what “done” even means. So you figure it out and do your best, with the hope that it’s close—until a day later you hear, “Why would you do it like that?” like you missed something obvious. Even when you ask for clarification, they speak to you like you should’ve just magically known, and it just keeps happening.
They Ask You Questions That Throw You Off
They’ll say stuff like, “Huh, are you sure that’s what you heard?” or “That seems unlike you,” which doesn’t seem that aggressive, just little comments that are part of your conversations. But they stick in your brain for the rest of the day and you catch yourself rechecking Slack messages & rereading emails. You’re trying to piece together where you went wrong, but the thing is, you didn’t.
They Make Jokes at Your Expense
They’ll drop comments that sound like jokes but still feel off, whether it’s stuff about your work ethic or your mistakes. You could try to call it out, yet they’ll wave it off & say you’re taking things too seriously or that they’re just teasing. In the moment, you laugh it off, but later you’re still thinking about it because it doesn’t feel harmless—it feels targeted and you’re the only one expected to laugh it off.
Disclaimer: This list is solely the author’s opinion based on research and publicly available information.
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