People tell you that you’ll understand once you have kids, or that being a parent is the most rewarding job. While that might be true for some people, it’s not always the case for others. Let’s look at thirteen reasons why people regret becoming parents. Do you know anybody who feels this way?
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They were trying to fix a broken relationship
Some people buy a dog thinking it’ll save a rocky relationship, others have a child instead. They thought that having a baby would pull them closer together. However, becoming a parent involved far more arguments & silent dinners than they were planning for. They were in much too deep by the time that they noticed.
They thought parenting brings purpose
It’s a common wish that having a baby will make your life click, like once you have a child, you’ll suddenly feel complete. But that sense of fulfilment never comes. Many parents are left with the same feeling of uncertainty & restlessness, with that same pit of hollowness inside. Except now, there’s a toddler there to witness the whole thing.
They didn’t like being around kids
While it may sound harsh, some people don’t like little humans. They don’t want to deal with the mess or the high-pitched giggles, nor the constant questions. Unfortunately, they assumed they’d become people who liked kids once they had their own. But they didn’t.
They lost friendships
Once you become the “parent friend,” people stop answering your texts. It doesn’t matter if you’re trying to make brunch plans or go for a spontaneous road trip, as you’ll get ghosted rather quickly. Of course, it’s not anybody’s fault. But it shouldn’t be a surprise that many people begin missing their old friendship group a lot more than they thought they would.
They miss their old identity
You could enjoy being an adult one day, but before you know it, you’re cutting grapes into quarters and missing important events. No parent expects to feel like a stranger in their own body, yet it happens quite often. They look in the mirror & barely recognize the person staring back. Is that really them?
They realize parenting never ends
In theory, you spend eighteen years raising a kid & then you have your freedom. In reality, that’s not the case because some kids move out, while others don’t. Both of them will end up calling you with random emergencies forever. As such, you’ll be dealing with your kid’s issues long after you thought you’d be done.
They had to parent alone
A few parents thought they were signing up to be parents, but it turns out that it was a solo venture. It could be because their partner left or life happened. Either way, they’re left cooking & cleaning, working & managing homework without a backup or break. That’s not something everyone’s going to enjoy.
They don’t like being compared
Sadly, comparisons don’t end after high school & thinking about how you shape up with others is normal as a parent. One kid reads at three, and another speaks three languages. What’s yours doing? Sure, people don’t talk about it out loud, but that sense of judgement rings through, loud & clear.
They weren’t prepared for a child with severe needs
Here’s something nobody wants to talk about. A child with complex needs, whether medical or emotional, gives you a far different life than you might expect. Yes, they still love their child unconditionally. Yet many parents feel like they’re always behind & always overwhelmed, while also in over their heads.
Parenting brought back their trauma
Nobody warns you that parenting may remind you of your old hurts. For example, when your child cries, you suddenly might feel like you’re five years old again, or when someone yells, you feel guilty again. Becoming a parent makes you aware of things you may have thought you had forgotten. And now you have to deal with it all.
They became invisible
As a parent, you’re there, day in & day out, packing lunches and wiping faces. Unfortunately, you don’t always get a lot of gratitude for this, and this can make you start to feel like a piece of furniture. You’re used and needed, but never really seen. Such loneliness is strong enough to make you regret the whole thing.
They constantly worry about money
People will probably tell you that babies are expensive, but they won’t reveal how much they actually cost. Daycare fees alone are almost the same as rent, and then there are field trips & birthday parties to worry about. Don’t be surprised if you start calculating groceries down to the penny. That’s just how financially difficult being a parent can get.
They didn’t feel a connection
One of the hardest things to admit as a parent is that you didn’t feel that movie-moment bond with your kids. Yes, you could try going through the motions & wait for the feeling, but what happens when it doesn’t? That guilt eats you up alive. So much so that, for some parents, they wonder what the point was of it all.
Disclaimer: This list is solely the author’s opinion based on research and publicly available information.
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