The harshest phrases don’t sound cruel at first, but when you dig a little deeper, you’ll realize love has become something optional.Â
The final wall
Nobody owes another person their whole life or some fake version of themselves. However, a relationship without basic care or honesty isn’t a worthwhile relationship. Don’t forget about respect, too.
A guy who says ‘I don’t owe you anything’ doesn’t know what he’s talking about, because, actually, in a relationship, you kind of do.
The finish line keeps moving
He’s at the end of his rope. That’s what he means when he asks, ‘What more do you want from me?’
However, he shouldn’t be saying that when you ask him for standard relationship stuff, and instead, he should want to do what you’re asking.
A question like that makes you sound greedy. Didn’t you know that it’s too much to ask him for a real apology or to ask him to care a bit more about you? He’s emotionally checked out, and defensiveness is all he knows.
The escape hatch
One of the worst phrases around is ‘I never said I was perfect.’
How horrible. Nobody was asking him to be that way because, as it turns out, perfection isn’t real. They were only asking him to text back or something else just as simple.
Guys who say this are making mountains out of molehills. Really, they’re turning standard complaints into some sort of impossible standard that nobody could ever manage to meet.Â
The open door threat
The room goes quiet. It’s because he said, ‘If you’re so unhappy, then leave.’
That sort of sentence is way more harmful than it seems, and especially when it comes after someone’s trying to fix things. He says that sentence. He’s gone straight to the exit.
It’s not exactly like he’s solving problems, but instead, he’s playing a game of emotional chicken. Good guys are the ones who try to get to the heart of the matter, and they try to solve the problem. Bad guys? They give up. At the first hurdle, no less.
The invisible labor trick
Timing’s everything, and it’s kind of weird when a guy says the sentence, ‘I didn’t ask you to do all that.’
He’ll usually say it once everything else has been completed. Congratulations, the work’s done. But it was apparently your choice to do it, and he had no part in it.
He’s ‘blaming’ you in a way, even though it might not seem like it at first. You really want to be around a guy who acts that way? Didn’t think so.
The bare minimum badge
Any guy who thinks he’s being romantic with ‘I’m here, aren’t I?’ is wrong. Dead wrong.
Being physically present in a relationship has nothing on being kind or warm. Or, you know, actually caring about the person.Â
A guy sitting on a couch two inches away might still have light-years of distance between him and his partner. What matters is whether he’s listening and whether he’s trying. Being ‘here’ means squat when it’s only your body and not your heart or mind.
The comparison dodge
Time to bring out the big guns. ‘You’re acting like I cheated or something’ is the perfect way to drag the bar down as far as it can go.
Hiding messages? Breaking a promise? Doesn’t matter. At least he’s not cheating.
But that’s not how relationships, or even real life, work. One problem can exist at the same time that another one doesn’t, and they don’t cancel each other out. Essentially, he’s trying to make you question whether you’re allowed to be upset. News just in, you are.
The fake courtroom
Normal questions sound more like a police interview when he says, ‘I didn’t know I had to report everything to you.’
When he says it after you give him the third degree, sure. But when he says it after you ask him simple questions about his day? Red flag.
You’re only asking for basic relationship information, not trying to trick him into saying something he shouldn’t. A phrase like this ignores all that. The topic of honesty has gone out the window, and now he’s made you his parole officer. Not exactly a loving relationship, is it?
The shortcut nobody asked for
There comes a time when both of you want the argument to end. Only one person does it the right way. Hint, it’s not the guy who says, ‘You’re making this harder than it needs to be,’ because that means he has no desire to actually solve anything.
He’s made the whole thing seem difficult. For him, emotional clarity is way too much to ask for, and he doesn’t care about what the problem actually was. He thinks the problem’s that she’s still talking.
The problem hunter label
If you’ve learned one thing so far, it’s that terrible guys struggle to deal with the problem in front of them.
‘You’re always looking for a problem’ is one of their go-to phrases. Somehow, you’re the problem. You’re the fool for not always being happy with what he does, 24/7.
Saying it means he doesn’t care about you, because if he did, he’d want to fix whatever problems you’re bringing up to him. He doesn’t always have to get the issue. But he should get you, and he should care enough to make things better.Â
The normal test
It’s very mean. It’s very casual. That’s why a question like ‘Why can’t you be normal about this?’ works so well because he’s not saying your feelings don’t matter. At least, not directly.
No, he’s getting real close to saying that, and he’s using ‘normal’ to do a lot of dirty work.
It turns out that your reaction is embarrassing. It’s too much. Don’t be surprised when you start questioning your own instincts because that’s exactly what he was hoping for with this question. You’re supposed to be the version of yourself that he expects.
The missing sentence
Some guys think ‘I don’t know why you need me to say it’ is the perfect hill to die on. He’ll say it over whatever words you ask from him, like ‘I’m sorry’ or ‘I love you.’ The worst one’s got to be ‘You were right.’
He might tell himself that she already knows, that there’s no point repeating it because of that. Perhaps she does. Still, there’s no shame in wanting to hear those words again, and he should be fine with saying them to you.
The separate teams
Let’s face it. A guy doesn’t have to love every aunt-in-law or cousin-in-law, every stepdad or sister-in-law they’re around. That’d be unrealistic. But he should, at least, want to make you happy and be around them when you ask him to be there.
It’s part of the reason why ‘It’s your family, not mine’ hurts so badly. Unless they’re absolutely terrible people, there’s no reason why he shouldn’t be trying harder to treat them like his own flesh-and-blood.
Sources: Please see here for a complete listing of all sources that were consulted in the preparation of this article.
When a wife no longer loves her husband, she will start saying these 10 things casually
Your wife’s fading affection often shows up in her everyday chatter.
When a wife no longer loves her husband, she will start saying these 10 things casually
