You might feel like you can’t possibly get a gift wrong anymore, once you’ve been with a woman for years, but that might be the exact problem.
Keep chores out of the wrapping paper
Buying an appliance isn’t necessarily a problem. But making it a woman’s anniversary or birthday gift is, as you’re making her labor into a gift, and that’s not okay. Giving a woman a fancy Dyson or a carpet cleaner as her ‘special’ gift makes things awkward.
It’s okay if she’s asked for one, of course. If she hasn’t, however, you’re basically telling her that you only see her for her labor, nothing else. That’s never going to go down well.
Make sure the gift is really hers
Lingerie is a difficult one. It’s mostly because the person most excited about the gift isn’t the person opening it, but rather, the gift-giver. You should never pick a piece of lingerie just because you liked the way it looks.
Check that it’s something that she actually wants to wear. Otherwise, it comes off like you bought yourself a present with extra steps. She may love lingerie, or she may hate it. You really don’t want to leave it up to chance with something like this.
Leave sizing out of the guesswork
That’s not all for clothes. A lot of guys think that buying clothes for their girlfriend or wife is a good idea, and sure, it can be. It’s only good if you’ve done your research, though. You don’t want to be stuck in the clothing store, trying to figure out what size to get.
Women’s clothing sizes are famously inconsistent between brands, just to make things even more difficult. Never, ever guess a woman’s size, unless you want some tense conversations later. You’re better off buying a gift card than simply guessing.
Don’t turn dinner duty into a present
A fancy blender is a fantastic gift for someone who genuinely loves cooking. It’s not so great for someone who does most of the cooking because they have to. Giving this sort of equipment comes off like you’re disguising household equipment as romance.
Whether it’s blenders, air fryers, cookware sets, mixers, or knives, they all come off in the same way. You don’t want to send the message that you only value her for her cooking. Get this kind of stuff if she’s asked for it, otherwise, leave it off.
Watch what arrives every month
There’s a real problem with subscriptions, and it all depends on the kind of one you give. Some of them end up costing the receiver way more in time and effort than they actually enjoy. Take a meal-kit subscription, for example. It sounds thoughtful enough.
But then she’s the one figuring out how to cook everything while juggling a dozen other things. It’s the same issue with a plant club, as she needs to find time to exercise her green thumb. You really don’t want to give that special woman homework.
Be careful with family pieces
Grandma’s necklace is a lot more than a necklace sitting in a drawer. Yes, it becomes a lot harder to get back any family heirlooms that you’ve given as a gift. You shouldn’t hand over any special present unless you’re completely positive you don’t want it back.
Even then, you should be a little cautious. You don’t know when you might want that jewelry back in your own family one day. Have the conversation first, no matter how awkward it might be, so you’re both sure that you want it.
Leave old romances out of new jewelry
There’s more to the jewelry story. While that necklace in the drawer may technically be ‘perfectly good jewelry,’ think about where it came from. Any pieces that were for your ex or other relationships are a no-go.
It makes it seem like your current partner is second-best. Hiding where it came from isn’t much better. You can still keep any valuable stones, but you might want to have them reset into something new or sell the piece and start over.
Treat the deed like a legal document
It’s way too easy to get swept away. Giving someone half a house sounds oh-so-romantic, until you remember that a house is not a bouquet of roses. Adding her name to a deed could transfer a real ownership interest in the property. It might also create tax paperwork.
You can’t claim that you were love-drunk later and try to get the property back in your name. Only hand over the keys to your property once you’re categorically, absolutely, and 100% certain you’re okay with it.
Don’t lend what you need back
You’d be surprised at how many guys give their girlfriends loans that they can’t afford to lose. They think they’re being nice and showing that they care. There are better ways to do that. Seriously.
You should only ever lend money that you can actually afford to lose, as you might end up actually doing so. Write things down and agree on dates. Figure out what happens if she can’t repay on time because the truth is, romance doesn’t make a loan risk-free.
Keep trust separate from total access
The movies love to make it seem like giving access to everything is loving. Real life is different. Handing over everything as proof that you love her is a bad idea, as you’re giving her control of your savings and credit cards. She now has access to your property, and any accounts you took time to build.
Sharing some finances makes perfect sense in a long relationship, but sharing absolutely everything as a symbolic proof of trust is something else entirely. Trust her because you trust her. You don’t need to demonstrate it by eliminating every financial boundary.
Define the promise before buying the ring
A promise ring without an actual promise is utterly pointless. You don’t know whether you’re showing her that you’re exclusive, or that you’re getting engaged eventually. You have to make it clear what the promise ring is actually promising.
You could be on completely different pages otherwise. Maybe she interprets it as a future engagement, but you meant it to simply say, ‘I really like you.’ How awkward.
Don’t assign her a workout
She might’ve mentioned wanting to exercise more once in January. But that still doesn’t mean a six-month gym membership belongs under the Christmas tree. Giving a gift like that makes it seem like you have some thoughts about her body, even when you’re trying to help.
Women who love working out can still be picky about gyms or classes. Fitness is a pretty personal topic, so let her choose the place or the equipment before you pay for it. Simple as that.
Skip the surprise reinvention
It’s a similar problem when you book her a makeover without being asked. You’re usually the one choosing her haircut or makeup lesson. You’re the one in charge, and then you’re presenting the whole thing as a treat, when it’s really not.
She might love it, sure. She might also spend the appointment wondering what exactly you thought needed fixing. Beauty routines are another individual topic that everyone deserves to have control over.
Sources: Please see here for a complete listing of all sources that were consulted in the preparation of this article.
