The way our moms cared for us when we were growing up had a huge effect on who we later became—not getting enough love shows itself in habits we have today. We might not even realize they exist but these habits may pop up in our relationships, work & how we see ourselves. Here are thirteen habits that could show you didn’t get the love you needed from your mom when you were a kid. They’re not always easy to spot, but understanding these signs may help you see yourself more clearly.
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Steering Clear of Hugs and Touch
Avoiding hugs or feeling tense when someone reaches out to touch you could be issues that go back to your childhood because physical affection wasn’t common in your home, especially from your mom. Without those early cuddles & comforting touches, physical contact feels strange or even uncomfortable now, so you might pull away when friends or family go in for a hug. It’s not because you don’t care but rather because it just doesn’t feel natural to you.
Struggling to Trust Women in Charge
You might notice that you have a hard time trusting female bosses or teachers—a woman in a position of authority stirs up old feelings from your relationship with your mom. Those early experiences might make it hard to connect and even feel comfortable in situations where a woman is leading. You likely still respect her but you also have unresolved feelings that make these relationships tricky to understand.
Going Overboard with Caring for Others
Anyone who always takes care of everyone around them, maybe even more than they need to, could be trying to fill the gap left from not getting enough nurturing from their mom. For example, they might be the one who remembers everyone’s birthdays & brings soup when friends are sick, or perhaps they stay up late to help someone with a problem. Either way, pouring your energy into caring for others is an attempt to create the kind of love and support you missed out on.
Gathering Motherly Keepsakes
You might have a collection of items that symbolize motherhood—things like mother-and-child statues or dolls—but you don’t even realize why you’re drawn to them. These objects could represent the nurturing you didn’t receive from your mom and you’re deliberately filling your space with these maternal symbols. It’s a way for you to surround yourself with the motherly love that was missing during your childhood.
Keeping Your Wins to Yourself
Anytime something great happens in your life, you don’t feel the urge to shout it from the rooftops and you hold back from sharing your achievements with others. It’s likely because you didn’t have a mom who celebrated your successes so you lacked a lot of early encouragement. As such, sharing good news might feel awkward or unnecessary—you might think, “What’s the point?” and keep it to yourself instead.
Hesitant to Reach Out for Help
Similarly, you prefer to handle any challenges on your own because asking others for help is much too difficult—your mom wasn’t someone you could rely on. You learned early on that it’s safer to depend on yourself and it makes trusting others to be there feel quite risky. Instead, you’d rather deal with any problems that you have by yourself, even when support is available and willing to help.
Uneasy Feelings on Mother’s Day
You don’t feel the same joy others do when Mother’s Day rolls around and this holiday brings up a mixture of emotions for you. Other people might pick out cards & plan brunches yet you feel disconnected or even a bit sad because you don’t have anyone to properly celebrate with. This habit is one of the clearest signs that you lack a loving relationship with your own mom and it makes this day hard to get through.
Making Friends with Older Women
You may also notice that many of your close friends are older women and these friendships could be more than just a coincidence! Spending time with women who are a bit older may give you a sense of guidance & warmth that you missed from your mom, which makes these relationships feel rather comforting. They give you the support & understanding you didn’t receive growing up but you’re so desperate to have nowadays.
Drawn to Motherly Figures in Stories
Likewise, you may be especially moved by motherly characters in films or books and seeing strong, nurturing moms in fiction stirs up some strong emotions. These characters often represent the kind of love & support you wished for in your own childhood, so watching their stories is quite bittersweet. It’s comforting to see them, yet they also make you sad because they touch on feelings connected to your experiences.
Finding Self-Care Difficult
Rarely taking the time to look after yourself might be because self-care wasn’t something that your mother encouraged in your childhood and she didn’t tell you about the importance of taking care of your own needs. As a result, you might feel guilty when you try to relax or pamper yourself, even if it’s something simple like taking a long bath. Treating yourself to something nice and resting feels wrong so you’ll completely ignore your need to do so.
Skipping the Family Photo Album
Your home isn’t filled with family photos like others’ are and you may not take many pictures during family gatherings—or perhaps you avoid being in them altogether. You lack warm memories of family moments, especially with your mom, which means that photos don’t hold the same value for you. In fact, displaying family pictures could feel uncomfortable and bring up feelings you’d rather avoid entirely, so you don’t bother taking them.
Preferring to Do Things Alone
Everybody wants some alone time now and again but you might prefer to only do activities you’re able to do by yourself, like reading or hiking. Being part of a group doesn’t feel as comfortable because your mom didn’t encourage you to join in with others when you were young. Going solo became your norm and doing so feels familiar & safe—as such, you stick to what you know.
Sidestepping Talks About Feelings
Sharing emotions isn’t for you since you tend to keep things on the surface and deep emotional conversations make you feel rather uneasy. This is mostly because your mom didn’t create a space where you could share & discuss your feelings openly, so you learned to keep them tucked away. You’ll avoid any and all emotional topics by sticking to lighter subjects in your conversations—they’re a lot safer.
Disclaimer: This list is solely the author’s opinion based on research and publicly available information.
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