As soon as you have a baby, that’s when the panic starts because everything suddenly feels high-stakes—even the way you burp a tiny person. Therapists say a lot of brand-new parents have the same types of fears, but they’re not always the ones people talk about out loud. And we’re not talking about those big general worries, but rather, the weird ones that show up at 2 a.m. when your brain won’t relax. Here are twelve fears therapists hear from a lot from first-time parents.
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“What If I Forget I Have a Baby?”
The idea of forgetting that you have a baby worries people out more than they expect—one second you’re running to get milk, and the next you’re checking the backseat six times. Some parents describe this mental lag where they don’t feel like a parent yet, so they panic that they’ll just forget about their little one. It’s not that they don’t care, it’s just that their brain still works like life is how it used to be.
“I’m Afraid I Won’t Feel Love Right Away”
Not everyone gets that movie moment where they have their baby in their arms, tears fall and everything clicks—instead, some new parents feel nothing, or just stress. This makes them spiral because they think this means something is permanently wrong, or that they’re not cut out for this. It’s a fear people really struggle to say out loud because they expect fireworks and get a lot less than that.
“What If I Drop Them?”
Whenever new parents are walking down stairs, opening a car door, or even bending over to grab something, they worry about dropping the baby. It has nothing to do with skills or clumsiness, but it’s more like their brain has its warning system dialed way up. To avoid this happening, some new parents avoid certain shoes & won’t carry anything else just in case. Unfortunately, these thoughts don’t go away easily and are permanently lodged in their brains.
“I’m Scared They’ll Stop Breathing While I Sleep”
Some new parents just stare at the baby all night because they worry about something happening to their little one and they fear that they’ll miss it if it does. Even with baby monitors & fancy gadgets, some parents still end up wide awake, listening for every breath—they might do rounds every 20 minutes just to check. Despite the fact that they know the risk is low, they still can’t shut their brain off long enough to relax.
“What If I’m Not Interesting Enough for My Baby?”
Lots of parents fear they won’t be the fun parent, whether that’s because they’re not silly enough, not musical enough, or not animated enough. They picture long days of trying to entertain their children and accidentally boring them to death—they’re worried they won’t be someone the kid wants to hang around with. As such, they’ll buy toys, hoping they’ll fill the silence, while others feel weird making baby talk and worry it’s hurting their bond.
“What If My Baby Doesn’t Like Me?”
When a newborn screams during diaper changes, their parents become convinced their baby hates them and they may also take it personally when their baby cries more with them or smiles more at someone else. Of course, they know it’s irrational, but it still hurts, and during therapy, they’ll ask questions like, “What if my baby already prefers someone else?” They start comparing every little reaction, including stuff like how the baby quiets down for their partner but not them, which is enough to make them spiral.
“I Worry I’ll Resent the Baby”
It’s hard for many parents to admit this, but they miss sleep, silence and their old lives before having their kids—then they feel guilty for even thinking it. But under that guilt is a real fear that feeling of absence will never go away. Some parents say they feel trapped by their own choices and immediately shame themselves for it, while others worry their relationships are getting worse & blame it on the baby. It’s a cycle they don’t know how to break, so they keep it to themselves.
“I’m Scared to Be Alone With the Baby”
Beyond the danger, some parents worry about freezing up when it’s just them and the baby, no backup, no one else to help. It’s not that they think they’ll do something wrong—rather, that they don’t trust they’ll know what to do at all, so they’ll avoid being alone at all costs. They might delay errands or take the baby to a family member’s house because the idea of being the only adult in charge is too overwhelming.
“What If I Mess Them Up With One Bad Decision?”
Many parents obsess over the tiniest choices, like the bottle type or when to introduce solids, and they worry one misstep is going to screw everything up long term. They’ll replay each choice over & over because they’re convinced it’ll have lasting effects on their little one. Essentially, they fear there’s no room for error and even after doing their research, they’ll still feel unsure.
“What If I Secretly Regret Becoming a Parent?”
Just having the thought that they might regret being a parent makes many of them feel scared. They fear that when things get hard (and they do), a deep part of them might wish they’d made a different choice—and then they wonder what kind of person that’d make them. They don’t want to be ungrateful and they don’t want to admit it even to themselves, so they’ll keep it in their head & hope it fades with time.
“I Worry I’ll Teach Them Bad Habits Without Knowing It”
Second-guessing is natural as a parent and many first-timers are concerned about how they respond to the baby. They wonder if picking them up too fast will make them clingy—they also worry that letting them cry a bit will make them feel ignored. These parents have read a ton of articles that say opposite things and now they’re stuck guessing & trying to avoid the fear of accidentally setting the wrong patterns early on.
“I’m Scared People Will Think I’m Doing It All Wrong”
The worry that other people are judging their parenting skills is quite painful and especially when family’s around, as they feel criticized for everything they do. It’s almost like everyone’s quietly rating their parenting skills and that feeling makes it hard to trust their own instincts. It turns into a constant guessing game about what’s “right,” despite the fact that their gut says it already is.
Disclaimer: This list is solely the author’s opinion based on research and publicly available information.
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