A man who’s insecure often says these 14 things

You can always tell when a guy’s unsure of where he stands, as he’ll end up saying some things that make his insecurities obvious, even though he might not recognize it.

The downgrade

You can usually tell when a guy’s insecure around a woman. Just listen to how he talks when she gives another guy a compliment. She says, ‘He’s cute,’ and then the insecure man brings up how the other guy is, actually, ‘nothing special.’

A secure guy is perfectly fine with hearing that another man is attractive. He doesn’t treat it as a comparison or anything to compete with. As for insecure guys, they need to knock the other guy down a little to make themselves feel better.

The imaginary option

A woman shows interest in someone else, and an insecure guy can’t stand it. So, he’ll say something like, ‘I could have her if I wanted.’ A guy who truly doesn’t care wouldn’t bother announcing that she was secretly available to him. It would be obvious.

It’s only guys who take rejection personally who say things like this, as they’re more defensive about the fact a woman’s not interested in them. They see dating as a contest. They rewrite the rules to make it seem like she didn’t choose the other guy, but he chose not to bother. Sure.

The label he gives himself

The thing with saying ‘I’m an alpha male’ is that it’s totally ironic. A guy who’s actually confident doesn’t need to bring up his confidence because it just shines through. Guys usually say this when they want people to believe that they’re confident.

They want other people to know where they sit in the male pecking order. Or, at least, where they want people to think they sit. They’re so obsessed with proving their masculinity that they’ll call themselves ‘alpha’ to give themselves status. Turns out, it doesn’t work like that.

The dry-eye rule

Upsetting events happen to us all, whether it’s a funeral or a breakup. The difference with insecure guys is that they refuse to let themselves feel upset, and they’ll say things like, ‘Real men don’t cry.’

Men who are comfortable with themselves don’t see another man’s tears the same way. They know that crying means nothing about a guy’s masculinity, and that it’s nothing to hide, either. But insecure guys don’t understand that. 

The honesty shield

The harsh words have already been said. An insecure guy says, ‘I’m just brutally honest’ after he says them, as though that justifies his comments. He doesn’t apologize, and he doesn’t admit that his words were unnecessary.

No, he’s more focused on trying to defend himself, and he’s using the excuse of ‘being honest’ as a way to explain why he hurt someone else. That’s only something insecure guys do. They call themselves honest because, well, that sounds better than admitting they were being rude.

The dating scoreboard

The line, ‘Nice guys always finish last,’ sounds harmless enough. But then you realize what happened before, and it’s that a woman didn’t pick him. The guy saying it is acting like basic decency should get him a reward. It really shouldn’t.

Women don’t usually reject kind men, and they actually prefer guys who are generous and warm. Guys who say this are insecure because they think doing the nice things should mean they get nice things back. They don’t understand that life doesn’t really work out like that.

The boss problem

It’s not hard to understand why this line is so insecure. Saying, ‘I don’t take orders from women’ is a clear sign that the guy speaking has major issues with women, especially powerful women. He essentially feels threatened by women, and that’s why he refuses to follow their orders.

You might even find that these kinds of guys try to seriously assert themselves because a woman has power. They’ll turn a completely normal workplace situation into a masculinity issue. That’s not exactly how confident guys behave.

The solo act

We all need help. It doesn’t matter who you are, or where you come from, we all need assistance sometimes. Except, it seems, when you’re an insecure guy. Then you say things like, ‘I don’t need anyone’s help.’ That might be true sometimes, but not always. 

Traditional masculinity values self-reliance quite a bit, and men who really buy into those ideas are less comfortable asking for support. There’s a big difference between ‘Can I help?’ and ‘You can’t handle this yourself,’ yet they don’t understand that.

The instant promotion

Listen to how this sort of man behaves when someone else announces their new job. You might hear them say, ‘I could do his job.’ Nobody knows if he actually can because he hasn’t seen the workload or half the stuff the person actually does. Yet he’s determined to act like he compares.

Put it this way, he’s bothered that another man has just been placed slightly above him in the conversation. He can’t deal with that. It means he has to inflate his own abilities and seem like he compares, even though the conversation wasn’t about him.

The defensive disclaimer

A guy spends fifteen minutes trying to prove himself by bringing up his achievements, but then he says, ‘I’ve got nothing to prove.’ Yeah right. A guy with nothing to prove wouldn’t need to bring up his salary or the number of women who liked him at college. 

It’s only men who feel insecure in their masculinity that talk like this. They’re way too invested in trying to publicly demonstrate their status. Not every confident story comes from insecurity, of course, but claiming you have ‘nothing to prove’ is quite telling.

The softness test

The saying, ‘I’m not one of those soft guys’ can mean so many things. Perhaps a ‘soft’ guy is someone who talks about his feelings, or maybe it’s someone who doesn’t want to fight. It’s not clear. The definition moves around a lot.

Insecure men feel like they’re under pressure to meet traditional masculine expectations, so they’ll avoid any kind of ‘weak’ behavior. They’ll talk about ‘soft’ guys as a catch-all insult for men who make different choices. A guy like this wants you to know how different he is from them.

The parking-lot fantasy

Nobody even needs to bring up fighting. But still, insecure guys somehow feel they have to say, ‘I could take him.’ It’s all because the other guy is taller and stronger, or maybe that he’s getting too much attention.

This insecure guy’s masculinity has been threatened, so now he’s trying to be aggressive. He doesn’t want his manhood to be questioned. Yes, he’s trying to make people think he could beat the other guy physically. The other guy won’t seem so powerful after all.

The money theory

So many guys claim that ‘Women only want guys with money,’ and it’s a pretty useful phrase. It explains almost any rejection without requiring much thought. She liked somebody else because he earned more, and she stopped replying because she’s looking for a rich guy. 

But women don’t all choose partners for one reason, and financial stability is simply one thing they’ll consider. Insecure guys cling to that explanation, though. They can’t accept the fact that, actually, a woman didn’t want them.

The private tally

Another thing insecure guys say after being rejected is, ‘She’s probably been with loads of guys.’ It’s a double standard, in all honesty. She doesn’t behave the way he wanted her to, so now it’s a question of how many partners she’s had.

He’s judging her for it. He doesn’t want to face the fact that she made a choice he didn’t like, and he’s trying to make her choice seem less respectable instead. There we are, discussing a number he invented.

Sources: Please see here for a complete listing of all sources that were consulted in the preparation of this article.