You might think that disrespect comes from raised voices and obvious insults, but actually, some of the most disrespectful moments come from ordinary phrases.
A little smile
You’re telling someone about a promotion you got or a business you’ve started. But they don’t care. They just smile and say, ‘That’s cute.’ The thing is, that phrase can mean completely different things, and it all depends on the person’s tone.
A puppy’s cute. So is a toddler’s drawing. But a grown adult’s accomplishment usually isn’t, and the person saying it is trying to avoid talking about your achievement properly. They’re trying to shrink it into something small. They want to make it seem kind of childlike and like it doesn’t matter.
Somewhere near the edge
Some invitations sound like someone genuinely wants you to be there. Then there are the others. Someone says, ‘You can come if you want,’ which, yes, still sounds like an invitation.
They’re only extending you an invite because there’s one available and not because they actually care. They didn’t exclude you openly. They didn’t seem all that enthusiastic about inviting you either, and they probably don’t even want you there.
Before the real sentence starts
Someone who says, ‘I’m not saying you’re wrong,’ doesn’t exactly stop there. No, they’ll always have a reason why you’re wrong after it, and they’re using the phrase as a cushion before disagreeing. They’re trying to soften the landing.Â
At least, in theory. It’s actually a pretty dismissive phrase because they’re challenging your view. They’re only pretending not to do that.Â
The conversation stopper
‘We already talked about it.’
Chances are, the discussion hasn’t actually been settled, they just don’t want to bring it up again. They don’t care that you never got a comfortable answer. They don’t care that the topic got brushed aside.
Their main goal is to point backward and make the topic itself the problem. How dare you mention it again? That’s what they’re basically saying to you here, and they’re not going to respond to what you’re saying now.
A quick dismissal
It doesn’t matter how much time you spend explaining your position. It doesn’t matter how carefully you made your case. No, a disrespectful person will always use ‘That’s your opinion’ to dismiss the whole thing.
Of course it’s your opinion.Â
It’s hardly groundbreaking information because, newsflash, most conversations are about opinions. They’re using it as a shortcut. They don’t want to create an actual counterargument or deal with what you said. They’ve ended the discussion by not engaging with it.
A different problem appears
You might try pointing out something that bothered you, like a pattern you noticed or a comment that didn’t sit right. The other person says, ‘You’re reading into it.’ Now, the original issue’s disappeared and your interpretation has replaced it.
What happened stops being important. Because you’ve thought about it too much, and now that’s the problem to focus on. Shifting the spotlight like that is the height of disrespect. It’s so frustrating to deal with.
The escape hatch
‘I’m just saying.’
Anytime that someone makes a comment that’s harsher than it needs to be, they’ll say this. It’s funny how nobody says that after a compliment. They’re using it to hide their disrespect.Â
Because if you react badly, they’ve got that phrase to protect them. They can easily pretend that they weren’t criticizing everyone, even though everyone knows they were. You all remember what was said so it doesn’t actually matter anymore.
The surrender that isn’t
Arguments seem to end sometimes without really ending, and it’s because someone said, ‘Fine, have it your way.’ They’re trying to seem like the better person. However, their tone says they’re anything but, especially when it comes with an eye roll or a long sigh.
It sounds like they’re giving in. They’re not. Actually, they’re letting everyone else know that they don’t like the outcome of what happened, and you become the bad guy for getting your way.
An unexpected reaction
One of the worst ways of disrespecting someone is by saying, ‘I’m not sure why this is such a thing.’ It doesn’t challenge what you said. In fact, it makes the other person seem innocent, like they’re confused, and, oh, poor them. They’re not really confused, though, not really.
They’re really trying to question whether your ideas actually deserve any attention at all. Even after you’ve given ten reasons, their response is still the same. They’re treating it like something that’s not worth discussing.
Sources: Please see here for a complete listing of all sources that were consulted in the preparation of this article.
