The Brits are known for being polite, maybe a little too polite sometimes, but we’d actually benefit from copying some of their etiquette rules.
Stop at thank you
British etiquette is pretty serious about compliments. Whenever someone says something nice about you, you’re not supposed to be too enthusiastic about it. Just a simple ‘thank you’ is enough, as opposed to the way we usually do things here.
We’re more likely to explain things and practically turn a compliment into a conversation about our résumé. Perhaps we could try toning it down a little. We don’t need to make a compliment into an excuse to prove something. Sometimes it can just be nice words, that’s all.
The automatic apology
Someone walks straight into you when you’re walking. You might expect them to say sorry, and yes, that would make sense. But not in Britain. The etiquette rules over there are that you’re both supposed to apologize.
Saying ‘sorry’ doesn’t mean you’re saying you did something wrong. It’s more like you’re recognizing that it was an awkward moment and trying to move on. A quick ‘sorry’ would end any arguments before they even get a chance to start. How sweet.
One extra word
‘Give me a coffee’ and ‘Coffee, please’ are both going to get you exactly the same thing here. But they don’t feel the same. The Brits tend to use the word ‘please’ a lot when they’re making requests, even when it’s pretty obvious what they’re asking for.
That’s not to say we’re rude for leaving it out. But still, using it a bit more wouldn’t hurt whenever we’re making requests, and it’d put everyone on the same page. There’s nothing wrong with being polite, after all.
A slower first meeting
Thirty seconds. That’s all it usually takes for Americans to get friendly after meeting someone, just thirty seconds. Then we start trading stories about our family and hometown. It’s a lot slower in Britain.Â
They let a stranger stay a stranger for a while, and nobody thinks it’s weird. It’s not unfriendly, either. No, they just leave some empty space at the beginning of new relationships, and they try to avoid creating fake closeness.Â
The first answer isn’t always the whole exchange
Try asking a British person if they want some cake. They’ll probably respond with, ‘Oh, no, I’m fine.’ Most of us Americans would leave it there, but no, that’s not where it ends in Britain. You’re supposed to ask again in a slightly different way. If they refuse again, then leave it alone.
It does sound kind of strange. Yet it’s how the Brits roll, and they don’t take the first answer at face value like we do. Offering a second time is sometimes kinder when someone’s obviously being polite.
Give people an easy exit
That’s not all for refusals. A Brit is more likely to say, ‘I’m not sure I can make that’ to an invitation, but an American will probably directly say, ‘No, I can’t come.’ They prefer being softer with their refusals across the pond.
Maybe we could try doing the same thing, and maybe we could stop forcing people to make direct refusals. They should be able to say no without making everything feel so heavy. Give the other person the exit, because really, they’ll appreciate not having to slam the door.
Turn the volume down
Turns out, you can disagree with someone without making it into a serious debate. British people are usually quite good at this. They’ll say things like, ‘I’m not sure that’s quite right’ instead of ‘I disagree,’ and we could benefit from stealing that trick.
Just think about it. Work meetings and family dinners would be a lot smoother if we didn’t have to argue about every differing opinion. It’d stop everyone from going straight into defense mode, and it doesn’t have to mean backing down, either.
Everybody gets a turn
There are many rules to follow in a British pub. One of the most important ones involves rounds, and it’s something that everyone knows over there, without needing to explain it. Someone gets the first drinks. Another person gets the next ones. Then your turn rolls around.
No need for an app or a calculator or six separate card payments. It’s just a rule that everyone does their part by buying a round, and it makes it way easier for everyone involved. There is a catch, however. Don’t become very thirsty when someone else is paying. Keep the pace.
Save the job question
Asking someone, ‘What do you do?’ is such a regular opener in America that it doesn’t even sound personal to us. It is to Brits, though. They think questions like that are way too direct for the first few minutes of a conversation, so they try to avoid it completely.
It makes sense when you think about it because there are so many other places to start a conversation. Ask how someone knows the host and where they came from. Ask whether they’ve been there before. Work will come up eventually, so just wait until that happens.
Sources: Please see here for a complete listing of all sources that were consulted in the preparation of this article.
