There’s a real power in hitting that point in life where we just don’t give a fig about being cool or hip.
Decoding mystery posts
If you’re going to say “I guess I know who my real friends are…” into the digital abyss, chances are a boomer scrolled right on past.
They won’t bother with the guesswork of figuring out if your post is aimed at them.
If you’ve got something to say, call them or better yet, meet them for coffee. They aren’t sitting there contemplating your vague status for 20 minutes trying to decipher if you’re talking about them.
For most boomers, if something isn’t said directly, it’s not worth their concern.
Scan to eat
They refuse to accept that they need to pull out a smartphone every time they sit down at a dinner table just to read what soups are on the menu that day.
Restaurant entrances telling them to scan a code so they can see the menu feels like going to work and they’re not into it.
They like holding a physical menu they can point to while speaking to an actual human face to face.
Scan it yourself
For many boomers, scanning their own groceries feels like doing free work.
They’ll wait in line for twenty minutes for the human option just so they can interact with another employee behind a counter.
They see a certain dignity in resisting automation that takes away jobs, plus they feel they’ve paid their entire lives for this sort of service.
They’re not suddenly going to start punching in barcodes on bulk bags of mulch themselves.
Screen celebrities
Taking life advice from a paid stranger on a screen hawking a trendy water bottle strikes them as utterly absurd.
Expertise, for Boomers, was forged through experience, not through digital metrics like likes or clout.
They trust companies who’ve been around for ages, and recommendations from people they know personally.
Trend treadmill
They understand by now that one quality coat from 15 years ago is better than ten jackets from your local mall.
Do you want to talk about how they’re tired of constantly throwing money at trends that fall apart after a few washes just because a certain color isn’t in vogue right now? Nope, their closet is filled with nice fabrics and cuts that actually fit their bodies.
They don’t try to change up their style every few months.
Endless charges
Sure, everyone else is juggling forty monthly subscriptions from heated toilet seats to online shaving cartridge delivery. Boomers will still buy razors.
They don’t want to rent anything because you have to pay for it forever. Life sentence fees are exhausting.
Should a product or service necessitate a monthly login and auto-payment, they’ll undoubtedly seek out a conventional alternative. Give them their money and let them walk away. That’s how you know the transaction is complete.
Noise walls
Going to a bar and having to yell at your friend to be heard over Imagine Dragons blasted at max volume is unacceptable. Same thing at restaurants with poor acoustics.
They won’t stay somewhere if they can’t hear the person across from them. And they definitely don’t want to ruin their hearing.
Their focus is on connecting with people, not soaking in the ambiance. They’ve had their fill of places where conversations are drowned out.
Talking appliances
Having to use an app to preheat the oven, like it’s some complicated game, really doesn’t sound enjoyable.
Boomers prefer appliances that are dumb. They want their toaster to toast, their blender to blend, and that’s that. Their TV may still have knobs that they can see and feel.
Boomers aren’t keen on their refrigerator announcing the weather, nor do they appreciate their lightbulbs needing firmware updates. For them, a switch that clicks when flipped is plenty smart enough.
Message politics
They aren’t concerned with whether a period makes their message seem harsh or if their reply time was too extended.
Boomers message you like they would write you a letter: with punctuation, complete sentences, and their full name at the end. Your unspoken rules for texting don’t hold much sway with them.
If they wanna say something, they’ll type it. Or, they might just put their phone away for three hours without a second thought.
Profit pressure
Retirees don’t understand the constant need for millennials to have a side hustle or want to turn every hobby into money. They’ve worked their 40+ years, they get to do nothing if they want.
They will happily work for 4 hours on a wood-working project or in their garden and won’t think of selling it on Etsy.
To them, a pastime is meant for pleasure and relaxation, not for creating another source of income that requires taxation.
Press one
Trying to communicate with a chatbot or spending 27 minutes on an automated phone tree will make you lose a boomer’s business. They expect and demand that a company offer an actual human being to assist with a problem.
Boomers can’t find a phone number? Too bad, they’ll just go somewhere else or stop using your product.
They remember what customer service used to be, and they aren’t interested in accepting less than that.
FOMO
While millennials and Gen-Z are mindlessly scrolling through their phones wondering where they should be, boomers couldn’t care less about missing out.
They’ve been to plenty of shindigs in their day, and trust me when I say they know that they aren’t missing anything important.
Boomers understand the power of declining an invitation without feeling bad about it.
They care more about their sleep schedule and comfort level than having to be seen at every new restaurant opening.
Office codewords
Say something like “synergy” or “circling back” or “touching base” and they will either tune you out or ask you to translate into English.
Boomers have no patience for corporate buzzwords that dominate so much of our professional lives these days. They value getting straight to the point, and see big business speak as just covering up for the fact that absolutely nothing is getting accomplished.
They’ve been in the workforce long enough to know that whoever speaks in the flowery terms most likely has the least value to offer.
Screen Hangouts
Sure, those Zoom calls served their purpose for a brief period, but boomers understand all too well that nothing truly replaces face-to-face interaction.
They’re not keen on virtual happy hours or tuning into a keynote from their living room. They want other humans. They’d rather see actual faces, read body language, and share a meal at a table than interact through a screen.
Screens are for information. Social lives are for living.
Justifying life choices
From the fact that you still have an older phone to why you opt to pay in cash, there comes a point where you no longer feel obligated to offer an explanation.
You don’t need anyone’s approval, and you sure as hell are not going to cater to people who dislike you just because you’re different.
There’s strength in standing your ground and refusing to justify your likes/dislikes to close-minded people.
Sources: Please see here for a complete listing of all sources that were consulted in the preparation of this article.
