At times, it’s clear a coworker’s pulling back, though they never come out and say it. Sometimes it’s not about any sort of conflict at all, just pressure or wanting to skip certain topics and situations. After talking with fifteen people across different offices, we spotted some patterns that might mean a person is trying to create some space. Let’s have a look at what they said.
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They’re never around when shared work needs to be done
A few people we spoke with said they’ve noticed how some coworkers just vanish when it’s time to get shared work done. They make it sound like they just can’t help because they’re slammed with work, even if it feels like they’re staying away on purpose.
They barely look you in the eye anymore
When you talk, it’s usual to look at each other. But if they quickly look away or focus on something else, it might show they’re not comfortable or don’t want to connect. Some people we talked to felt that small things like this speak a lot about how someone feels around you.
They stay away from the usual hangouts if they know you’ll be there
They’re rarely in the kitchen or break room at the same time as you, as if they’re timing their visits to keep away from you. Some workers said they felt confused at first because they didn’t understand what was going on.
Their replies in group texts are short or delayed
On group texts or over messaging apps when working from home, they may take significantly longer to respond to your texts than they normally would. Then, when they do, it may be short, clipped, or flat. “K.” or “thank you.”
They stop sharing small talk or personal updates
Have they always gone out of their way to tell you about their weekends or give you small updates on what’s happening in their life? If so and now suddenly they won’t share anything with you, it might be because they are shutting you out emotionally.
Closed body language
Crossed arms, leaning back, or literally turning their body away from you (even if it’s only slightly) during a conversation can be signs that they are putting up a barrier between you two.
You notice them ghosting when you make plans
If you ask them to join you for lunch or a team outing and they immediately become “busy” or say they already have plans without offering other options, they may be avoiding you.
They stop checking in or making the first move
Maybe they used to pop over to your desk or send messages to ask about a project or even just to say hello. Now you find that they don’t make the first move anymore, even when it seems like they have a good reason to.
They seem distracted or disengaged when talking to you
When you talk to them, they may stare past you or fidget with their phone. They might also interrupt your conversation with unrelated topics or comments, which can show that they’re not really focused on you or what you have to say.
They make small talk feel professional
There are no jokes, no shared funny stories or smiling quips. Every interaction is clipped and businesslike.
They avoid walking with you between meetings or breaks
You’ll notice they don’t walk with you to the restroom or during lunch breaks and other occasions. They either take a different route or will just go by themselves without making a scene.
Their voice is colder, flatter, or just less friendly
If their tone of voice is colder, flatter or less chipper than usual, it’s a clear indicator. They can still sound polite and respectful with their words, but they won’t sound like they enjoy talking to you as much as they used to.
They “accidentally” leave you off updates
Do you ever find that information, especially information that relates to your work, is not being shared with you? No, not a grand and public snubbery—more like an email that should have been copied to you, but wasn’t, or a group chat message where you’ve been “forgotten”? It’s easy to not notice these things at first, but the more often it happens, the more apparent it becomes.
They treat your ideas differently
Ideas are being shared, and someone makes a suggestion. A couple of heads nod, and they encourage the person to go on with their point. When you say something, however, the reaction is different. Maybe their response is clipped and terse instead of interested.
They skip over you during light office banter
The office is chit chatting and swapping stories, they’ll respond to anyone else but you when you say something. It’s a slight delay, but (as some guys said) after a while it makes you feel excluded from the group.
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