Here are the questions guys wish they could ask you, but are too embarrassed to ask in person.
Solutions or support
If you’re going to complain about something but don’t want any help to fix it, are you just looking for me to hear you out?
Men have been trained to enter every interaction expected to provide a solution.
If your significant other likes to vent about the same issue over and over without making any attempts to change it, that cognitive dissonance strains your relationship.
Guys want to know if saying, “Hey, maybe we can solve this” makes you feel invalidated, or if you’d rather they just sit there and agree with how upset you are.
They usually don’t ask this because offering solutions in that heated moment may sound dismissive or uncaring about how you feel about the issue.
Awkward compliments
When someone compliments your outfit/hair change, does that ever feel awkward? Or is it always dependent on who is saying it?
For many guys these days, maneuvering around casual compliments in social/work environments can feel like a minefield.
They truly don’t know where the line is between a harmless compliment about your outfit and making you feel uncomfortable.
Men don’t mention it often because they fear it will sound like insecurity or trying to excuse something they did wrong previously.
Needing space
You tell me you need space. Do you mean ‘Call me’ or you don’t want to hear from me at all?
For a man, “I need space” carries no real definition. He will torture himself listening to the argument over and over again wondering if he did something wrong.
If he calls you, he could be violating your request for space. If he doesn’t call, he could seem insensitive or emotionally unavailable.
Asking for details like “how long?” or “is it alright to call?” is something guys typically shy away from, understanding it might just make you angrier when you’re already upset.
Changes in appearance
Do you notice those subtle changes in our physical appearance? (hair thinning, little weight gain, etc.)
Men agonize about the way their body changes with age too. But do women notice a receding hairline, slouching posture or added pounds as soon as we do?
He’d feel embarrassed to ask you that outright, so he keeps his insecurity bottled up.
Pre-guest cleaning
Why does the house suddenly need cleaning before guests arrive when it was perfectly fine?
Just as your guests are about to show up, you notice the towels aren’t where they should be. Seriously, how did the carpet get so full of lint all of a sudden? What was fine a few minutes ago now needs to be tidied, organized, or scrubbed.
Do women feel more pressure by society to keep their homes presentable than men do? Men don’t ask because it sounds whiny and unsupportive of your efforts to have visitors.
Last-minute dates
Do you really love last minute dates or do they screw up your plans?
Sure, spontaneous dates sound wonderful in songs and movies. But oftentimes, you have things planned around when to get ready, what to wear, etc. Men want to know if unexpected dates mess with prior mental agendas you’ve made.
However it can feel really awkward to ask because they don’t want to seem unromantic or picky. So they just say nothing and pretend they’re fine with it.
Exes
When you casually bring up an ex, are you just mentioning a point in your past or telling me what I’m missing?
Guys cannot help but analyze when girls talk about their exes.
He will likely start analyzing the mundane things she says about him. Perhaps it’s about specific habits, where she loved to vacation, or amusing eccentricities. Is she just telling him a story or letting him know what he’s missing?
He will likely never know by simply asking. He could be concerned that asking will make him seem insecure, or as if he’s suggesting she’s playing a comparison game with her past.
Small acts of affection
Does an unasked-for hug or handhold mean as much to you as it does to us?
Guys rarely get random affection if it’s not leading towards something romantic or se**al. So when they get that hug or hold your hand, it means something.
Sometimes they question if girls cherish those small moments of affection like they do. But they don’t want to say anything and ruin a cute moment that just happened naturally.
Dinner plans
Why is it so hard to choose a restaurant when you always say “I don’t care”?
You jokingly say it drives you nuts, but men are legitimately perplexed. They don’t know if by saying everything is fine for dinner you mean that they can decide or if you really do have strong preferences and want them to magically know what you want.
Men stay silent because no one wants to argue about where to eat dinner.
Relationship details
How much do you tell your friends about our relationship?
Guys know that girls love to talk about relationships with their friends. They want to know how much is private between you two.
Will you tell them about our fights, insecurities and quirks? It risks sounding insecure or overly possessive of her friendships if you were to ask this outright.
Handling everyone’s problems
Do you ever wish folks would just handle their own emotional drama?
Men observe how women seem to manage all the birthdays, family dinners, reminders, follow-ups for everyone. They wonder if women ever get tired of that. Or maybe it’s simply not on their radar at all?
Men can’t ask because they know if they do, they instantly sound lazy during all those moments where they didn’t help.
Feeling safe together
So, what do you really mean, day-to-day, when expecting to feel completely secure, both emotionally and physically, with a guy?
Men hear about emotional and physical safety all the time, but what does that feel like in the trenches?
Does feeling safe mean he never does anything unexpected or that he quietly goes along with her lead? Could it be that she is after something different that he isn’t grasping? This question makes him feel guilty because it implies he’s not providing that sense of safety already.
Confidence vs. honesty
Do you actually prefer when a man admits he doesn’t know how to do something, or does confidence matter more?
Men are torn between being vulnerable and competent when they fail at a practical test or tough situation.
They’re not sure if being honest and saying they don’t know what they’re doing comes off as refreshingly sincere or if it just makes them look incompetent to you.
Most guys will never ask you this. They don’t want to feel like they’ll lose you by telling you that they struggle with something.
Hobbies
Exactly how interested are you in our hobbies?
Men want to know how long they can talk about their geeky interests, sports, video games, etc. before you tune out.
Do you really care about what we talk about or are you just waiting patiently for us to finish so we can do something you actually like? Guys tend to bite their tongue on this, not wanting to lose their cherished pastimes.
Consent
Asking for verbal approval for going further is respectful or killing the mood?
It’s understandable for men to worry that pausing to ask about consent during foreplay could spoil the mood. They often wonder how women expect them to gauge that kind of stuff at the moment.
Still, many guys are hesitant to talk about it, fearing it will sound like they’re not reading the room or insensitive.
Sources: Please see here for a complete listing of all sources that were consulted in the preparation of this article.
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