After college ends, you’re not quite a proper adult. But you also can’t live like a college student anymore, and it feels rather strange. Here are fourteen things that stop being cool after college, rightly or wrongly.
What’s something you let go of after college?
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Keeping a mattress directly on the floor
Keeping a mattress on the floor was completely fine during college. Everyone did it. But try doing that now & people will think that you’re squatting. It’s also hard to explain doing this when your knees crack just from getting out of bed, not to mention the spiders. Somehow, they always know.
Using Christmas lights as year-round decor
Your walls need to grow up at some point. As such, fairy lights in June are a bad idea. Are you celebrating something or just emotionally attached to string bulbs? Either way, it’s not a good look after college. People start recommending floor lamps & you realize they weren’t joking.
Calling ramen a meal
Yes, ramen’s fine & it’s certainly not evil. But it’s not so great when it’s the fifth meal in a row and you’re over 23 years old. Soon enough, you start craving protein and food with actual vitamins. Your doctor wouldn’t recommend a diet of ramen, either.
Bringing solo cups to house parties
Red cups are a no-no after college. That is, unless you’re still in a house with a keg & a sticky floor. It’s especially bad when you show up with them to a party now. Someone’s aunt will probably ask if you’re going to a college reunion. Y’know, wine glasses exist. Use them.
Hanging flags or band posters as wall art
There’s no law that says you can’t hang a poster. However, perhaps there should be, and especially when you have the same one you’ve had since sophomore year. It’s even worse when it’s taped up with four different kinds of sticky stuff. Are you in a dorm room or an apartment? Nobody knows.
Treating laundry like a guessing game
Once, doing laundry involved sniff-testing hoodies & hoping the socks were still okay. But that stops working when you leave college. Why? Because your coworkers ask if you own a washer and an iron. You eventually start folding things, or at least pretending to.
Living with five roommates in one house
It used to feel normal to have four people sharing one fridge & one bathroom. There were zero boundaries. Yet past a certain age, it stops being fun to hear someone blast EDM while you’re on a Zoom call. You start telling yourself that you have to get out of there. You learn what walls are for.
Using empty alcohol bottles as decoration
Nobody needs a glass bottle collection, unless they’re starting a recycling business. College-you probably lined them up rather proudly. But post-college, they’re collecting dust & ants. Eventually, you stop displaying alcohol bottles and start displaying a different kind. The ones with olive oil or balsamic vinegar.
Sleeping on futons or inflatable beds
Futons were fine for crashing, maybe even when you were pretending to host. But now, they’ll only guarantee you wake up with a sore neck & rage. Inflatable beds are just as bad. They deflate by 4 AM, so there’s really no point to them. You start to realize you just want a real place to rest. What’s wrong with that?
Showing up late like it’s a personality trait
In college, being late was just part of the culture. No one noticed & nobody cared. Now, people expect you to be somewhere on time. It’s almost like they expect you to be an adult. After all, it’s not cute when you roll into a meeting 15 minutes late without an explanation. It’s just selfish.
Decorating with empty pizza boxes
Empty pizza boxes were once proof that you survived finals week. Later on, you start to realize that they’re trash. Literal trash. Keeping pizza boxes on top of your fridge tells people that you’re lazy and that your apartment smells like garlic & cardboard. Which it probably does.
Treating caffeine like a food group
Three coffees & a Red Bull were the perfect wake-up call in college. However, your body isn’t built like that anymore. Too much caffeine causes you to have jitters & your anxiety spirals. That doesn’t mean you have to quit having caffeine. Nope, you just have to space it out slowly. And carefully.
Turning every weekend into a three-day hangout
Thursday used to feel like Friday, and Monday? That was just a suggestion. Yet back-to-back nights out sound far too exhausting after college. You pick one night to be social and leave the other days for resting. It might involve watching the same show for the third time. Honestly, that feels great.
Having only condiments in your fridge
Everything seems fine until someone opens your fridge. It’s just sauces, with no real food, but maybe some jelly. There’s ketchup & sriracha, along with three salad dressings. But not one actual meal in sight. That’s not acceptable after college. Instead, it makes you look completely lazy. Fix it.
Disclaimer: This list is solely the author’s opinion based on research and publicly available information.
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