There’s no scientific test to find a soulmate or determine whether your partner is the one for you, but there are some good signs that your partner isn’t your soulmate.
The other life keeps returning
There’s an idea that keeps popping up in your head. Maybe it’s one where you live in a different apartment, or maybe one in a different city. It could be just another version of your life where you’re doing everything on your own, but either way, that matters.
It could be a sign that you’re unhappy with your current life with your partner and that they’re not the one for you. Don’t immediately assume it means your relationship is doomed, though. People daydream all the time. The trouble comes when your imagined life continually feels more attractive and more like the life you want to live, rather than the one you have.Â
Two futures won’t fit
The thing with love is that, no, it doesn’t always solve logistics. There are a few things you can compromise on for the future, like what restaurant you’re going to go to. There are other things you can’t. Perhaps one of you wants kids, and the other absolutely doesn’t, for example.
Your soulmate isn’t someone who you have to split the difference on every major life goal. Put it this way, your future should be able to coexist with theirs. When your version of the future only works when you give up something huge, then that’s a good sign you’re not a match.
The person works better than the partnership
One of the most important signs is also one of the easiest to brush off, surprisingly enough. You might think your partner is wonderful, yet you still resent the life the two of you have built together. Yes, you love their humor, and yes, you love their kindness.
But you can’t help hating the life that you have with them. It gets kind of confusing. The other person is right in lots of ways, while the shared life with them feels wrong. The truth is, your soulmate needs to make sense inside the life you want to live. They can’t simply be someone you admire.
The checklist says yes
Everything looks suspiciously perfect on paper. You’re in the same age range, check, you have the same taste in music, check, and you also have the same kind of dream vacation, check. But real life feels different.
The chemistry doesn’t exist between you two, and neither does that sense of fit you’ve been looking for. Pay attention to that. Even though a relationship can tick every box, it might still feel flat when you’re experiencing it in real life.
Everything needs subtitles
It’s totally normal to need clarification sometimes in a relationship. That’s how things work. What’s not normal is when you feel like you need to translate your feelings every time that you want to communicate. You shouldn’t need to speak another language to be understood.
When that happens, it could mean that you and your partner aren’t as compatible as you once thought. Soulmates still have communication problems occasionally, yes, but the difference is that they don’t need to build a bridge from scratch every single time. They understand the language differences.Â
Someone else gets the first call
Think carefully about how you share important news. Or rather, how you don’t share it. You might share some great news with a family member and some bad news with a friend, but it takes a while for your partner to find out. They’re not your first call.
It’s not automatically a problem, as sometimes there is news that you need to share with other people first. But the issue comes when it happens every time. You don’t reach out to your long-term partner whenever there’s news to tell, even though you’ve spent years together.
Distance feels unusually easy
Don’t worry if you want to spend a few days apart from your partner occasionally. It does feel nice. But it all depends on what kind of niceness you feel. Enjoying the space and still missing them, for example, is a good sign that you’re meant for each other.
Feeling lighter or calmer, maybe weirdly relieved, is a bad sign. You shouldn’t be desperate to have extended time apart from your supposed soulmate. When that happens, well, they’re probably not your soulmate.
The real partner stays on hold
You might find yourself saying that things will be perfect once your partner becomes more ambitious, or maybe calmer. You keep saying that things will be better once you settle down. The thing is, you’re not building a future with the person in front of you anymore.
No, you’ve begun imagining a future with a version of them that doesn’t really exist. You’re counting on a specific transformation that’s kind of radical, and it’s not a good foundation for compatibility.
Nothing obvious is missing
Sometimes there are no obvious signs of a problem. There’s no betrayal or constant arguments, nor are there any giant red flags in the relationship. But things still feel off. It can be pretty hard to accept, and you might even feel guilty because nothing is wrong.
Yet it doesn’t feel right, either. That doesn’t mean your feelings are meaningless, as a healthy relationship can still feel wrong. There’s a big difference between thinking ‘Nothing is wrong’ and ‘this is the person I want forever,’ so you have to accept that.
Routine is carrying the weight
Try taking away some of your relationship’s routine for a moment, and see what happens. Maybe you skip going to the same restaurant and stop going to a show on Fridays. Take a good look at what’s left behind.
Couples that are meant to be together will still feel close, and they’ll find something to do. It’s a different story for couples who aren’t. The truth is, they’re only close because their familiar habits have created a strong sense of closeness. The real closeness isn’t actually there.
Curiosity has gone quiet
Think carefully about the last time you felt genuinely curious. Not suspicious, but seriously interested in them as a person, in terms of what they’re thinking or the stories they’re telling. That’ll tell you a lot about your compatibility.
In other words, you should feel fascinated and attracted to them. You can’t simply have one or the other. Affection can survive long after fascination fades, and that’s why it’s so easy to miss this sign. You should still feel a sense of discovery in your partner if they’re your soulmate.
Comfort has become the reason
There comes a point when the statement ‘we’re good together’ becomes ‘breaking up would be a pain.’ You have a place together and the same friends. It all works, but maybe too well, as that sense of convenience is doing more work than the connection itself.Â
Staying feels easier because your lives are already joined together. It’s not because they’re the person you’d choose all over again. It’s a sad fact, but it’s true, familiarity can be very persuasive.
It only works inside the bubble
There are some relationships that only seem to work when they’re in exactly the right setting. Two people can be fantastic together on trips and brilliant when they’re long-distance. It’s a different story when normal life resumes.
The magic that once existed between the two of them seems to have disappeared, and that really matters. It suggests that the setting is carrying more of the relationship than you realized. Compatibility shouldn’t depend on the scenery.
Sources: Please see here for a complete listing of all sources that were consulted in the preparation of this article.
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