11 habits research links to being unapproachable

Some people seem hard to talk to. But you can’t really explain why. Usually, that’s because what they’re saying isn’t important, and instead, it’s their bad habits. Research shows (see the end) that some common habits make people seem less approachable. Here are eleven of them. Do you do any of these?

Featured Image Credit: Shutterstock.

Looking past someone during hello

Tired bored girl sitting and drinking coffee with her boyfriend at a cafe outdoors and looking away — Image Credit: Shutterstock.

People pick up on any quick glances you give over their shoulder. Eye contact that lasts even a second longer makes you seem approachable, but looking away too soon? That feels like you’ve already checked out. That doesn’t mean you have to stare. Instead, just give them that short & steady look that says you see them before moving on. It’s far better.

Smiling with only your mouth

Young upset woman making fake smile with her fingers stretching the corners of her mouth. Try to stay positive after failing at something. — Image Credit: Shutterstock.

Some people think a polite mouth-only smile works just fine. Yet the research shows something different. A little eye crinkle wins people over way faster than being tight-lipped, which comes off as uncertain. It may even seem rushed. So next time, let your cheeks pull up & your eyes join in. Briefly doing so is much better than not doing it at all. Seriously.

Hiding your lower face with a mask

Young waiter wearing protective face mask while serving food in a restaurant. — Image Credit: Shutterstock.

In some situations, masks are great. But they do hide a lot of friendly signals. These include the shape of your smile, and it’s something that researchers discovered when looking at approachability. Lower-face cues matter. As such, you should be careful about wearing a mask in a casual setting. Try giving a head tilt & raised brows, maybe a clear nod, to fill in the blanks.

Leaving your phone on the table

A single mobile phone on wooden table — Image Credit: Shutterstock.

You might think putting your phone face down means you’re giving someone your full attention. And yeah, it kinda does. But simply having it in sight changes how connected a conversation feels. Studies show that conversations went better when phones were hidden completely. A clear table tells people you’re ready to speak. Don’t you want that?

Crossing your arms and shrinking your frame

An angry man is sitting on the sofa in a psychotherapist's office. A speechless man is angry about problems. A client is sitting on a sofa with his arms crossed and doesn't want to talk about issues. — Image Credit: Shutterstock.

Folding your arms & tucking your shoulders in makes you seem distant. It really doesn’t matter if you’re just cold. Lab studies found that open, relaxed postures came across as warmer than closed ones. Try letting your arms rest at your sides. You could even put them on a surface. Either way, this makes other people see you as open & ready to talk.

Keeping hands hidden and staying very still

Close-up of face of smiling man in white shirt jacket guy with gray hair stubble in old age is sitting on comfortable chair in office of company is looking into camera friendly boss cheerful manager — Image Credit: Shutterstock.

That’s not all for your arms. Keeping your hands under the table or not moving them at all comes across like you’re shut down. In fact, studies link low motion with worse impressions. You should show your hands & make small gestures. You should also lean in a bit. This gives the other person more to read, and also makes you seem more engaged.

Furrowing your brow

Anger, portrait and businessman with raised eyebrow in studio or frustrated, stress and upset. Face expression, unhappy and mature professional with frown, annoyed and conflict on green background — Image Credit: Shutterstock.

Most of us furrow our brows when we’re concentrating on something. And that’s okay. But walking around with lowered eyebrows comes across as feeling stressed or uncomfortable. In fact, it makes people want to keep their distance from you. You should try keeping your expression neutral. That’ll make you seem more inviting, at least, in the moment.

Angling your body toward the exit

Exit. The green neon sign on a dark background. Vector illustration — Image Credit: Shutterstock.

But it’s not only your eyes that could be the problem. Your feet & torso tell a story too. When they’re pointed toward the door, people assume you’re ready to leave. Even the slightest of turns makes a difference. Facing the person fully keeps you in the here & now, which makes you seem far more approachable. Who knew?

Skipping nods and small backchannel cues

Bored Asian woman listening her annoying friend, uninvolved in conversation — Image Credit: Shutterstock.

It’s never fun talking to someone who barely nods. It’s also not great when they avoid backchannel cues, like saying “mm-hmm.” This stops the conversation from flowing & makes you seem like you’re not willing to be bothered. Without these signs, people feel like they’re talking into a void. Tiny responses go a long way toward keeping things comfortable.

Ignoring breath or body odor cues

Businessman smelling his armpits — Image Credit: Shutterstock.

This one’s simple but easy to miss. Without doing a quick check, you might not notice that you have coffee breath or any stronger scents. These can sway how people respond to you socially. They might even think that you’re unapproachable, so have a sip of water or chew some gum. It’ll make a bigger difference than any cologne could. For real.

Glancing away mid-smile toward phones or exits

Businesswoman Looking At Mobile Phone During Presentation By Colleague In Modern Office — Image Credit: Shutterstock.

You might be aiming a smile at someone to seem friendly. But it’ll lose steam if your eyes look to your phone or the door halfway through. Doing so breaks the sense that your smile was for the other person & makes you seem fake. Hold that grin for just a beat before glancing away. It’ll keep the moment intact, and it’s worth trying next time you’re chatting.

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