It’s easy to tell when people like us or don’t. However, there’s something that’s harder to notice, and that’s whether or not they actually take us seriously. It shows up in how they behave around you. Here are ten scientifically-backed signs that people don’t take you seriously. Have you ever noticed any of these before?
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Phubbing when you’re speaking
Everybody has seen that classic head tilt before. It’s the one where people have their eyes on you, then suddenly they flick it down to look at their phone. Researchers call this “phubbing,” aka “phone” plus “snubbing.” It’s been proven to cut people’s attention short. As such, people who constantly do this around you don’t think you’re worth listening to.
Diminutives replace your name
During a meeting, if you’re introduced as “Tommy” without you asking, while every other adult gets “Thomas,” that could be a sign they don’t take you seriously. A 2024 paper on workplace nicknaming found that this kind of downward nicknaming makes people respect you less. The contrast between how people use names tells you more than the nickname itself.
Credit moves away from your ideas
It’s one thing to brainstorm. It’s another entirely to look through the recap and realize that someone else got the credit for your suggestion, or your ideas were dropped entirely. Research into group dynamics shows the effect of credit moving away from the original speaker. When that happens more than once, it’s clear. They don’t take you seriously.
You’re seated at the margins
Even where you sit is an indication. At rectangular tables, leaders & important voices usually land at the head or in the middle, according to observational studies. As such, always being the one stuck at the far edges isn’t exactly random. The seating order sends signals to everyone in the room. And it happens without anyone saying a word.
Listeners give you fewer backchannel cues
When people care about what’s being said, they tend to nod & add a quick “yeah.” They might even murmur a little. Conversation research calls those “backchannels,” and they’re rather important for showing that people value your words. A lack of backchanneling when you’re talking could mean that people don’t really care about what you have to say. Ouch.
People explain simple things back to you
You may have noticed someone walking you through a step you already know inside out. Sure, they’re not trying to be rude, but this kind of thing happens when people assume you need hand-holding. They don’t treat you like a peer. Instead, they slow things down & “teach” you the basics, and over time, this sort of habit really stands out.
Your time gets reallocated without you being asked
Check your calendar closely for any changes in deadlines or meetings that have shifted. Did these happen without anyone asking whether they work for you? Your colleagues may brush it off as scheduling, but when it constantly happens, it shows people don’t value your time the same as everyone else’s. You’re being informed, rather than consulted.
Others summarize your points with different wording
As soon as you finish a sentence, you hear someone immediately summarize it, with the same idea but different words. You may think they’re agreeing at first. Sadly not. Repeatedly doing this means your exact phrasing disappears while theirs sticks, which changes how people remember the conversation.
People stop making space for your input
You should also be mindful of how the flow of conversation goes. Specifically, when you pause, even briefly, whether or not anyone waits for you to continue, or if they jump straight in as though you’re finished. People leave a small gap of silence to show that they’re listening for more. When it disappears, the space for you goes, too. And so does people’s respect.
People don’t adjust their tone when responding to you
Most of the time, people’s tone changes in subtle ways that we don’t notice. We tend to naturally brighten our voices or slow down a bit, depending on who we’re talking with. As such, you should pay attention to people who speak to you in a monotone or rushed way compared to others because this could signal that they don’t value you.
Sources: Please see here for a complete listing of all sources that were consulted in the preparation of this article.
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