Everyone uses polite little phrases. Listen hard though and you’ll just about hear a hint of irritation peeping through sometimes. You’ll recognize it in friends and family members. Or even in complete strangers when something rubs them up the wrong way, but they don’t want to make a big deal of it. So here are ten polite phrases which mean the total opposite.
“Let me check and get back to you”
The phrase means the person wants to avoid thinking about something at the moment. It allows them space to relax and decide how much effort they want to put into this later. It’s a nice, non-aggressive way to say “back off,” and I hear it in office interactions all the time.
“No worries at all”
The tone is everything here. If a person says it too quickly or sarcastically, they are typically not sincere. They may be somewhat annoyed, but they don’t want to show it. The phrase is an easy mask to avoid feeling awkward. You’ll hear people use it with friends or family, while they are attempting to be polite.
“It’s fine, really”
It’s the kind of phrase you use with a firm tone when you mean the opposite. You say it when you don’t want to have to explain your annoyance because it’s not worth the fight or you’re just too damned tired. You can hear the exasperation in the “really” word. I hear my friends say this all the time when they just don’t want to get upset about something trivial, but it still bugs them.
“I’ll manage”
It sounds like a declaration of confidence. It’s typically said when someone already feels overwhelmed. The person wants you to understand their stress without having to ask. Caregivers and parents often use it when they don’t want others to feel guilty, but they are secretly annoyed by the additional pressure.
“If that’s what you want to do…”
You often notice it in families, when one person has tried to explain themselves but it feels like nobody is really listening. I’ve heard people say this when they’re dealing with someone who isn’t level headed and the person saying it isn’t interested in an argument. It’s a very tactful way to keep the peace while quietly seething with anger and/or frustration.
“It’s not a big deal”
This is what people say when they’re glossing over irritation that actually matters to them. They’re dodging a further conversation or not wanting to seem sensitive. You often hear it following a time when someone has been interrupted, ignored or inconvenienced more than once. It’s a little protective talisman.
“By all means, take your time”
Too sweetly spoken, “take your time” commonly masks haste or annoyance. Used when needing something done but not wanting to sound needy, its tone changes when running behind or waiting past the expected time.
“I understand”
It means: “I don’t agree, and I’m not going to explain myself further.” It’s a tired refrain, the last gasp of a person who no longer has the energy for an argument or explanation and just wants it to stop. It’s a common workplace phrase after a series of failed explanations and justifications.
“Maybe next time”
You hear this when you’re disappointed in someone, but you don’t want to be too aggressive. It cushions the blow of your negative feelings, while still being passive-aggressive. People use it with friends, or between lovers when plans fail again and again.
“Do whatever works for you”
This is what people say when they don’t feel heard in the decision-making process. It’s a diplomatic phrase but underneath is a feeling of being marginalized or dismissed. It’s how you hear someone saying it in a group when their preferences have been disregarded over and over.
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